This Is Over 40: New Rules For Women’s Wellness That Lasts

Hilary DeCesare: 00:00:00

Welcome to you, and I am going to over deliver today because I have somebody on that is going to speak our language. And that is the language of how do we keep ourselves looking good, feeling good, and then be able to sustain it. Right? How many times have you done something or one of those diets get you up, get you down. And I'm sure for some of you, if you're listening to this in January, in our high five, if you're doing the, you know, no, during January, high five, if you've decided to start a new program, and high five to you, if you've already fallen off the wagon, why do I say that? Because you are here today listening to this, and we're gonna get you back on track and it's not necessarily getting you back on that same old wagon. That is bumpy as heck. So anyway, so excited. I've got Amber Shaw with me, she is a mind and body transformation expert. She's the founder of the wellness revolution, a leading global movement for 1000s of women. Here's the kicker over 40 Ladies and Gents This is it. She is empowering everyone to rediscover their confidence and create a lifestyle that is effortless and sustainable. As a motivational speaker, philanthropist and international recognized authority in the health and wellness industry, Amber coaches, on everything across all like all the world of achieving sustainable weight loss without dieting, without dieting their way through life. How good, how good does that sound to all of us just to be healthy, and to be happy and confident in ourselves What perfect timing.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:02:08

You're listening to the ReLaunch podcast and I'm your host, Hilary DeCesare, best selling author, speaker and transformational coach widely recognized in the worlds of neuro psychology and business launches, which cultivated the one and only three HQ method helping midlife women. Yep, that's me to rebuild a life of purpose, possibility and inspiring business ventures. Each week, we'll be diving into the stories that brought upon the most inspirational relaunches while sharing the methods and the secrets that they learned along the way, so that you too, can have not just an ordinary relaunch, but an extraordinary relaunch.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:02:59

Amber, welcome to the show.

Amber Shaw: 00:03:03

Oh my gosh, thank you so much. What an intro I need you as my hype lady. Yeah, well, I gotta tell you, I get

Hilary DeCesare: 00:03:11

so excited. And, you know, we have now spoken a few times. And obviously, there is a huge connection. It's like, you know, you're my best friend that I've known since I was in, you know, third grade. And as we are talking, there's like, oh my gosh, what are you doing? What am I doing? And how do we get to work together? And how do we keep this going? Because there are people out there that elevate your energy, right? And you talk about the vibe of your tribe, and there is a vibration, there's a vibration of people that people bring things and you bring this to your audience, you bring this but for those that don't know who you are for those that are not really familiar, or they want to hear more about this girl Amber that you know they've been following. I'd like to have you share a little bit about this relaunch journey and you've had many relaunches, but what would you say Amber, has set you up for such success right now and the journey that you've taken and the relaunch that was the most impactful that changed your life.

Amber Shaw: 00:04:19

I love that and and just to reiterate, you're saying yes, I mean, we definitely we do attract that high vibration vibe, you know, that high vibration? Circle, and so I'm so glad you're in mind. So you know, that's such a great question. And yes, you are right. I mean, I have had so many relaunches, I think throughout my life, so many of us have, but I think more the most recent and most impactful that really changed the trajectory of my life was the relaunch that I had back in 2019. When I was turning, I had some very big changes coming up in my life. I was getting ready to turn 40 I was also in a very traumatic time. I'm in my marriage, my marriage was really on the the just was on the rocks. And it was I knew that divorce was really on its way. And I was just going through a time in my life where I was asking a lot of questions of what did I want my next 40 years to look like I was in a sales job, a very successful sales job. I was making multiple six figures, I could do it in my sleep. And I've done it for 18 years. But I was very unsatisfied. I you know, I also did, I'm

Hilary DeCesare: 00:05:30

sure a lot of people are sitting out there. And they're that this message is resonating, hitting the 40 mark, hitting that point where you're like, you know what? I'm trying to figure out like, where's the spark? How do I work? Yeah, where is that work? Heck, it's a little dull. It's a little out at this point.

Amber Shaw: 00:05:47

Yeah. And you know, I just had this like, overwhelming feeling what was a couple of things. One, I had this overwhelming feeling. And I had for a long time that I was meant for so much more, that I knew that my dharma was so much bigger than selling commercial printing, as, as as a sales rep, I knew that I was bigger than that. I was what I was meant for bigger than that.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:06:07

So funny. I'm sitting here, and I'm like, I'm smiling. Because yeah, I knew I was meant to not be just selling Oracle Financials in manufacturing. Please, God tell me this is not the only thing I'm going to be doing my life

Amber Shaw: 00:06:22

is more, please don't me that there's more. But I also knew, because I was going through such a difficult time in my life with two young children at home. And going through a very hard time in my marriage, I was doing a lot of a lot of therapy at that time, and a lot of a lot of self help. And I just had this undeniable feeling that I was meant to share my pain with the world to turn it into purpose. And that I that I was not supposed to I was because I was not supposed to hoard. Like all of what I had learned that I was going through what I was going through, because I was meant to share it to help others. And so I took a very scary, that's a scary process. It's a scary process,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:07:09

I gotta tell you, that is when I finally shared a really heart wrenching, scary, as you know, type of situation that happened in my business world, I was like, what am I really going to do this? Am I really going to put this in the book? Am I really going to, you know, express something around about Niagara Falls and feeling like somebody who was going to push me over the edge? Like, it's, it's a lot, it's a lot to be vulnerable, it's a lot to share. And to kind of bring that up that, you know, for some, it's like that, you know, getting in for me, especially it was like, Oh, my God, what are people going to think? Or they're going to be like, well, you should have known you should have done this, you should have done that. And so you're going through all of this, and these things are running through your head. But there was this bigger, this bigger call, I don't know what you believe in terms of, you know, Spirit, God or universe, whatever it is something something was going on with you.

Amber Shaw: 00:08:07

Absolutely. I mean, I am a very spiritual person. And I do refer to my higher power as God. And so I, I knew that that God really did have a purpose. And that is a hard thing to lean into. But I read a very, very impactful book at the time for me by Gabby Bernstein, the universe, you know, the universe has your back. And it really just that book alone even changed the trajectory of my life, because it allowed me to lean into the pain, to lean into the discomfort and really trust that something bigger and better was on the other side for me, because you really in that moment, when you're going through pain, you have two choices. You can either sit and decide, like and say this is happening to me, or you can make a choice and say this is happening for me, you may not understand it. You may not you may not like it, it may hurt a whole heck of a lot, which it probably does. But you really do no matter what is going on what your circumstances are, you do always have a choice on how you react to them.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:09:13

And there is that moment of reckoning where you say, All right, I'm looking at the situation. And is it going to create victim in me? Or is there a possibility, all you need to see is that there is a possibility that you could have, you know, your personal power back that you can actually take it back just a little by just realizing that you have a choice, you have a choice and it's one of the few things that we actually have a choice over as how we view situation. So that is that is so on point with what we're doing and I love that you said you know Gabi Bernstein's books, so great and I would even take it one step further, as you know, you know, I've been I've been really like, you know, standing on the mountaintop screaming, it's like, you have got to tune in, tune into your thoughts tune into your emotions and tune in to your your actions that you're going to be taking, like, what are you really doing to keep yourself, you know, stuck or feeling less empowered than you can be? So that I understand and I can, I'm sure people are relating this head nodding out there saying, yeah, and maybe they're going through it right this second. So you're going through this, but then you're also you're also like having that moment in life where you are willing to say, Hey, I'm at the mid zone, I'm, I'm going to be 40. And I got I got, I'm at the halfway year, I'm on the bench, and I'm trying to figure out do I want to be in the game or not?

Amber Shaw: 00:10:53

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so I took a trip to Costa Rica, and it was, you know, talking when you're talking about really getting quiet and really, you know, going inward. I mean, that is absolutely, I think what, what really led to be making a lot of, you know, big game changing decisions for myself was just getting quiet and allowing that connection, right, that inner voice, which I do believe is our direct line to source or universe or to God. And in a very quiet moment on the beach. I just very simply asked God what you know, what, what is my and I went with the intention of asking what was my next career move? Like what I needed? What was I supposed to be doing? And just, I'll never forget the moment it literally the word just hit me with this all knowing like, just ton of bricks, it just I heard coach was supposed to be a coach. And I was like, okay, like, I don't know, I don't know what that means. I don't know what that looks like. But now

Hilary DeCesare: 00:11:51

I have to ask you, Amber from when you were young, did you find that people were coming to you asking your opinions on things? Had you? Had you been in some type of a coaching role ever? Or was this like, whoa, okay, where, where do we go from here.

Amber Shaw: 00:12:11

So my personality, I think, has always just been, you know, a leader and a very, you know, always wanting to help people and I've always been had a very philanthropic heart. And I've always been the person that, you know, people come to us for advice. And I so I think just innately in my personality. I think that that's, that's been the case. But when it comes in how I kind of went into the health and wellness, particularly coaching women is forward facing to what everybody saw me doing in my, you know, teens, 20s, and 30s, is that I was the athlete, I was the, you know, the very in shape, worked out all the time, ate very well did all the things. And so people would come to me all the time for that kind of advice. But what people didn't know, is underneath all of that was a very, very sad woman who had an eating disorder, who was so body obsessed, who was chronically on a diet, who was chronic, who was constantly having, you know, feelings of not being worthy, and, and, and just just always, I couldn't even walk by mirror without lifting up my shirt and pulling on the fat on my stomach. I mean, I was in a prison for most of my life, when it came to my body and nobody really knew except for my inner circle.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:13:38

Oh, but you're interested. That's interesting, because usually, I remember when we I ended up getting separated from my husband, and it was one of these, like, people had no idea I had done such a good job with the covering it up of you know, oh, yeah, this is great. Everything is super. And what you're saying is that you had shared some of these, some of these really deep, dark secrets with some of your inner circle.

Amber Shaw: 00:14:05

Well, and really, I'm like, my Another thing about like, my inner circle is my mom and my therapist.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:14:10

Okay, so yeah, my mom, my mom, my mom. That's great ever. Okay, so that makes a little more sense, because I'm like, Wow, that's impressive. Isn't my mom and my therapist? Okay. All right. So here you're going through the battles and you have pretty much done this it's you know, the up and down and you were, you know, you were really struggling with maintaining your weight and you were trying all these different types of diets to keep were you Was there one method that you were using consistently to really keep yourself at your your weight?

Amber Shaw: 00:14:46

Oh, absolutely not. I mean, I was I was bouncing from one extreme diet to the next there was no there was never any consistency at all with any sort of like, healthy habits. It was just chasing the next I mean, that's that's and then what was you know what was going to give me even because I was cool. Honestly, because I didn't have that inner confidence within I was constantly just raising the bar. So I had, so I would do a diet, I'd lose weight. And then that wasn't good. It was never good enough, I was never good enough. And so I was constantly bouncing from one to the next. I've done every single one out there, like, literally.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:15:17

So before we go into all of that, I want to go back to you're sitting on the beach at Costa Rica, your intention was, hey, what kind of work? What kind of what what should I really be doing? How should I be serving? You know, how can I how can I get something to light me up. And this is something that I know so many women out there right now are struggling with that, you know, the their that their lights gone doll that they can't figure out like how to do that I like the approach that you took, you said I set the intention that I'm going down to Costa Rica and I am going to figure out, you know what I really want what comes to me, you're willing to listen, you said you're willing to be open. But I would also say that in those moments of silence, you are willing to listen. And so many of us were like, I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm just not hearing. You heard. You heard that day on the beach. And so what what happened at that point? How old are you at that point?

Amber Shaw: 00:16:16

Um, I so this is right, I was 39. I hadn't turned 40 yet. So I was like, right before my 40th birthday. And so well, what happened was, is I just undeniably heard it and so then I'm a doer, right? I think this is what made me a successful entrepreneur, and just I've always been a doer. And so I immediately just came back with that, with that knowledge with that answer that I felt very convicted in and just really started thinking about, Okay, what does this look like? And I didn't have I think this is what if you're listening to this, and you're somebody who you know, you want there is something that you want to make a change, but you're scared because you don't have all the answers. But I can tell you is that you don't need to have all the answers. Sometimes there is there's so much beauty and allowing things to unfold. But you have to take the first step. And so for me, and what paralyzes people is thinking they have to have it all figured out before they take that step. And so for me, they have to know the how to know the how right and

Hilary DeCesare: 00:17:14

that's even better if you don't know the how it is, and you're so willing to open up to whatever is going to come.

Amber Shaw: 00:17:21

Absolutely. Even in business too. I can tell you like where I thought I was starting out and and where I am now is not not the same thing. So I just I came back and I took that first step, I enrolled in a year long, integrated nutrition program. And I just was like, I'm just going to start there. Like, let me just start there. And then and then let's, let's see how this goes. And so that's that's what I did. And then I just it was like the building blocks. It was like, Okay, I've done this. Now here's my next step. Right? And then here's my next step. Alright,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:17:53

so I know that there are people out there that are thinking to themselves, okay, did you immediately go in and to quit? And were you did you overlap? How did you do that part of it? And before you answer we do have to take a quick break. And when we come back we're going to hear how she actually stepped into this coaching and we're also going to hear about healthy habits that she is now absolutely saying can help impact and change your lives. When we come back. We'll hear all from Amber. This episode is brought to you by my very own labor of love my most recent book relaunch. This book is a collection of my stories, other stories and as a motivational guide to living a new three h q lifestyle, sparking your heart to ignite your life. It's available for purchase via Amazon, get ready to try on the three h q method that I've been using for years throughout my entire life reaching the next level in all areas, both professionally and personally. Get your copy today at www dot the relaunch book.com Welcome back. So happy to have Amber Shaw on here because we are talking from her perspective. She is a board certified health and wellness coach and a certified personal trainer. And she has been in the last segment if you haven't if you weren't a part if you're joining us now go back listen to it later because it's about the vulnerability of understanding how food how it can control our lives, how it can make us feel like you know, we're not good enough. Like we're not doing things right and it can continue to have that like noose on your neck and now we're gonna go into Amber's was sharing how she was sitting on a beach in Costa Rica and she all of a sudden had this. This hit from source from God saying you know what you need to be a coach and she said that she took a training But we're trying to figure out what was that like when you really finally you know, you, you spark this interest, and you're going for your passion, you're going for that purpose of your life. How do you do that when you've been in a role in J. O, B, for so long? And you're like, No, this is what I need to do. How did you do that? Amber?

Amber Shaw: 00:20:22

Yes, such a good question. So yeah, as you said, I mean, I was I came back from Costa Rica, you know, I'm in this stage of my life where I'm getting ready to turn 40 I am realizing, you know, that I am unhappy in my job. I'm definitely unhappy in my marriage, because I divorces is on on, you know, on the horizon. And I know even though we're in a lot of therapy, I knew that that was coming. And so yeah, so I came back, though, because I had had that just that undeniable hit from from God that said, here's how you are supposed to turn your pain into purpose, as you are supposed to be a coach. And as I was saying, Before the break, I didn't know exactly I didn't, I wasn't even sure that it was going to be in the health and wellness space. But after a lot of soul searching, and some words, you know, sessions of getting quiet with myself and really listening and tuning in, I did decide that, you know, health and wellness has always been a passion of mine sometimes, even though it was a passion, it's it is what led to a lot of pain in my life to You know, like, as I mentioned that eating disorders and body obsession, and all of that. But I was also realizing at this time, that I was tired of living like that, too. And that I felt like maybe there was some way that by becoming a coach, I can also heal myself, and break free of the bondage of being a slave to food and constantly dieting, that dysfunctional relationship with my body. And so I really did feel like there was a reason behind that too, in my own healing, and that I was meant to heal that piece of me. And I was meant to take that and help others do that as well. And so what's

Hilary DeCesare: 00:21:58

interesting here is that I never believe people are having midlife crisis is I believe they're going through a midlife identity search. And an identity crisis is when, whether it's in your business, your personal existence, you're starting to realize that there's this as my grandmother used to say, divine discontent, something's not right. And, and I'd like to ask, were you still doing that roller coaster dieting all the way up until you became a coach? Or had you kind of kind of figured something out before this?

Amber Shaw: 00:22:41

No, it was really like, around this time. So then I had like, turn 40. And it was it really, things started to shift for me, when I enrolled into the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. And I started really leaning into my health as opposed to like weight loss. And when you start making conscious decisions about healthy habits about with the intention of improving your health, well, weight loss is the byproduct like, I'm sorry, it just is right, when you're concerned about reducing inflammation in the body, one of the big things is reducing sugar and alcohol and, and so then you're gonna, it's just going to naturally more than likely lead to just a healthier, more lean body. And so what I realized is that throughout this process, when I started really leaning into what I was learning more about functional medicine, and Integrative Nutrition, and all of that, that I didn't have to work as hard to like, uh, you know, keep my body healthy. It was just it was it was just more natural and and then I really started learning about different types of foods like beyond just, you know, like broccoli and plain chicken like I learned about, you know, you know, eating more and more colorful diet, eating, you know, lots of different more complex carbohydrates, quinoa, and Pharaoh and barley and all the good things.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:24:05

scare people away. Quite

Amber Shaw: 00:24:05

Yeah, that's true.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:24:08

I want to go back here for a second. And you said something that I am intrigued with that the the piece that I'm hearing is I talk often about changing your channel. And when you think about changing a channel on a dial in a car, remember olden days are likely to mean you know, if you were a little off, it would go crackly and you could just do it in such an easy way by moving it just so ever so slightly to the right or the left and it would absolutely, like be crystal clear at that moment. And it's not hard. It wasn't hard to do that. And that's what you were saying. It's like when it's right. It it makes it flawless. It makes it like it just flows. And so for people that are listening and saying, you know, I really You know, I like what Amber's saying, I like that she's, you know, sharing that, you know, she she constantly had this battle. But how can how can somebody change the channel you mentioned, you mentioned inflammation, and what does it mean to have a body inflammation.

Amber Shaw: 00:25:20

So you know, our body inflammation is our body's like natural response right to anytime there's any kind of like threat to the body, right. So inflammation in the body is actually a positive thing that is something that we want. However, chronic inflammation is not something that we want and so that, that, that that physical response that we have, like I said, when there is a threat, and and if and things like alcohol, sugar, you know, environmental toxins, those are all considered, like a perceived threat to the body. And so we again, we have this response, in order to protect the body, but when our body constantly thinks it's under attack, then it starts to have negative effects on our body. And actually, I was just on I just did a podcast interview with with a doctor functional medicine doctor earlier, and she was saying that that was one of the top three things inflammation in the body is one of the top three things she sees as related to weight loss resistance, right, like, why people struggle to have weight, you know, to lose weight, inflammation is one of the top ones. And so, so yeah, so I so I think that, you know, we're starting to have what's important is starting to have a little bit of a reframe, of, of what is the intention behind our nutrition, right, if we constantly have this intention of I think behind like weight loss, which that for a lot of women and men too, there's a lot of baggage but behind like our goal of weight loss because for so many of us we've been trying to adhere to these restrictive diets and programs that may work for a little while but then they don't and every without as you say with every failed diet it like took a little bit of my confidence away as like just a human being

Hilary DeCesare: 00:27:12

well, it's not just your own failed experiences. I think it's also like let's just take the poor egg, right the egg and if you think about in the 50s it was like you know you see the ads it was like two fried eggs on a plate with a piece of toast and then all of a sudden it was you know, eggs were really bad don't eat the eggs then it came back and it was like you know eat only the egg whites then it was you know, Rocky Balboa you can too raw eggs and putting it in a shake that it's like do you do not want to do that because that's gonna kill you with salmonella then it goes back to now who knows now it's just we can't get eggs in Colorado anymore because bird flu but what what I mean you you put media attention then you put your own and you here keto is the way to go. You hear you know be a vegan be that it's overwhelming.

Amber Shaw: 00:28:08

So it is overwhelming code for us right now crap.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:28:12

Like how do you what do you really do break it down make it easy?

Amber Shaw: 00:28:17

Well first of all what you really do and this is the most important thing is that you find what works for you you talked about turning you know tuning in that dial you know so much of the biggest struggle that I hear because I coach primarily women but what I what I hear from from women is that it's not that I don't know what to do I just struggle with being consistent and the reason why for most women at this stage 4050 and beyond, because we've read all the blogs we've watched all read all the books, we know information, you know, we know we'll have a lot of information but it's it's the fact that what we're trying to stick to is too restrictive like what we conserve doing Eriko healthy eating doesn't really work for our life. We are denying creative you know simple biofeedback of hunger and cravings. And we have guilt anytime we eat something that we have food we think's on the bad list, we have this whole dysfunctional relationship with food because of diet culture. And we what we what we have determined as our like way of healthy eating is based on you know, Sally, the influencer and whole 30 diet and maybe bits of keto and this and that and at the end of the day, the reason why you keep biting yourself is because it doesn't work for you. And so there is a way there is a way to to really, you know have healthy habits and a healthy lifestyle. That will move the needle if you have some weight loss goals that will move the needle towards those goals, but that also fits within your life, your Higher Self how you want to live your life, your future self. It is possible but the very first step is to stop doing doing what everybody else is telling you to doing to do and wonder why you can't stick to it.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:30:04

Okay, I'm where I just figured it out. You and I are you and I are destined to write the three HQ cookbook. That's where we're going. But I do have to ask you, and for those that have read my book relaunch spark your heart, ignite your life in there, I do discuss and for those close to me, they know I have a I have a problem. I adore chips. I don't know why. I don't know why I like tortilla chips. I like potato chips. I like I mean, gross chips. I like chips.

Amber Shaw: 00:30:40

Who doesn't? And but yeah, okay,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:30:42

well, you know, but I love them. But again, I know, they're not good for me. I know, they're not good for me. But my gosh, if they're in the house, I'm going to grab them at about two o'clock in the afternoon. And I'm going to eat them. And then I'm going to do a shout out to the boulder chip company. Oh my god, the best chips ever. You can order them on Amazon. They're so good. But why is that? Why is that we become fixated on certain foods. And we you know, it's almost like it I feel a little bit like, it's not even my guilty pleasure. It's my guilty guilt. It's like,

Unknown: 00:31:24

I love that you're asking that. I'm going to tell you exactly why it's because somewhere along the line, you have determined Even if it's buried in your subconscious, that chips are bad. You just said chips are not good for me. And really what you're saying is that chips are bad. Chips are bad. I'm really not supposed to have them. That's what you're really saying. And what happens like even just like in our brains, when we say that statement, This is bad. I'm not supposed to have it. It automatically slams us into the monkey mind that part of our mind. That doesn't allow us to make conscious decisions like rational decisions. All we can think about is the chips when there's just like we're humans, when somebody tells you you can't do something, what do you want to do? You want to do it, right? Like when somebody says you can't do something, all you want to do all you do your energy goes or your attention goes there. And so when I coach women, one of the very first things that we do is we work on letting go of this mentality that food is either good or bad foods food, right? And we start to have a reframe, because a very powerful thing happens when you can let go of this mentality that food is either good or bad. And I call it the power of permission. You give yourself permission to say, You know what, I'm a grown ass woman, I can actually I can eat those chips if I want I can eat those chips. They're available to me any time and even by I always say it's like it's almost like Jedi Mind tricking yourself, when like when you actually just say that. You're it's always like your thought process moves to a different part of your brain. And now you've created space to actually ask yourself, well, do I really want those? Do Do I really want those? How are those going to make me feel you start to be able to ask deeper questions. How are those going to make me feel? Do I really want this? What am I really craving? Is it the chips are really craving or is it like that salty, vinegary,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:33:21

Amber that you are hitting on a nerve, baby? I gotta tell you, we just got back from Mexico. We were in Cabo for a week with another couple and I was a chip. Like, I don't even want to use the word but it was so bad. I was just you know, guacamole and chips. I mean, every meal. And I came back and I said, I'm gonna give myself five days of no chips. And today is day four.

Amber Shaw: 00:33:48

And are you white knuckling it? How are you doing? I

Hilary DeCesare: 00:33:50

gotta tell you first two days I was like, huh, I really would like those chips. And now that I haven't had them. I am not really missing them right now. So why what's happening there?

Amber Shaw: 00:34:04

Well, first off, what I will say is, I love that you are doing that. But what I will say and I will challenge you that to me kind of as lifestyle 1.0 though, what I want what I what I would love

Hilary DeCesare: 00:34:16

because you know, you know, the week I did my week. Now I'm gonna go back to my chip problem. This is what

Amber Shaw: 00:34:23

happened. Why men and women maybe all week well, for a period of time maybe for some people it looks like I eat well, all day long. And then at night, I fall apart or I well, all week, all week long. And then on the weekends, I fall apart and I start over every single Monday like eventually, like I love that you're doing this. This is a great step but it's not the final solution. It is lifestyle one point because eventually your willpower because you're operating on willpower right now, but I will say a couple things to answer from a physiological state standpoint. What is happening though is if you are it's the same thing that can happen with sugar when you do start to Workout some of that processed and packaged stuff like this high sugar high, like you know, highly processed of chips, all that kind of stuff, your body does start to like, especially with sugar, your body will start to want it less. And like when you start replacing it with more whole foods, less processed and packaged foods, it does start to like your body does start to want it less however, you didn't have a lobotomy like, you're still going to, like, like, I just want to say that. So what I'm saying is, is that the goal is really always to get to lifestyle to point out where you can, you know, really, I always say tastes everything but binge on nothing, right? And so when you when you can let go of this when you can say and people my clients use this as a mantra like I'm a grown ass woman, like I can eat, what I want to eat, I can make you know, this is not good or bad. I'm not bad for eating the chips, right? It's just is it going to move the needle towards my health goals or is it not? And then if you still decide to have the chips, we'll find like, that's a life's like, that's okay. I don't want you ever to be white knuckling it or fighting the craving, but I want you to do it from a mindful place. Okay, I'm gonna have a few and enjoy them. And then maybe I'll wait a little bit and if I want some more, because again, something very primal happens. Once we start, like if we keep telling ourselves, we can't have something and then we're like, we finally we like white knuckle at white knuckling. And we finally have it. The reason why we can binge is because then once we're like, we go all in. We're like, well, I've already been bad. I might as well keep being bad and I'll be good tomorrow.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:36:33

People out there say oh, that's me. Yeah, that's my approach. If I'm really bad at lunch, it's like yeah, I've already been bad. I've already had that dessert. I might as well just be bad today. Okay, well, listen, we are about to go on a quick break. You do not want to miss hearing we're gonna go into the actual tips we're going to hear how do you start this? What can you be thinking from Amber so stay tuned, we will be right back. This episode is brought to you by my very own labor of love my most recent book relaunch. This book is a collection of my stories, other stories and is a motivational guide to living a new three h q lifestyle, sparking your heart to ignite your life. It's available for purchase via Amazon, get ready to try on the three h q method that I've been using for years, throughout my entire life reaching the next level in all areas, both professionally and personally. Get your copy today at www dot the relaunch book.com Are you ready to kick diets to the curb? And to not be worried anymore about the things you're actually eating? Well, Amber Shaw is here and we are we are now finally going into the tips, the strategies the habits, that you no longer have to think about what diet Am I starting on Monday? Because you're going to start to embrace these live these create these habits. And from what I hear Amber does an amazing job with making sure that people don't feel like they're giving things up. So Amber, who this is the segment everyone if I had a drum I'd like drum roll right now. Hey, Josh. Josh is my guy who helps me with my back end. So give me a drum. So here's the thing people want to know because diet fads have been I mean, like you said influencer, huh, you know, I'm on this diet right now. It's Oh my god, I'm losing so much weight, it's so great. And then everyone like flocks to that, and then it stops working. And I'll never forget there was a friend of mine her husband, every single January, he did this thing where he literally put his body into ketosis. He didn't he couldn't exercise because he you know, that would somehow make the muscles get eaten. And he ended up losing a ton of weight. And people were like, I need to know about the muscle cool. Yeah, and muscle and a I need that and I would literally go to parties at the end of the month and people would be like, Oh my God, you look so amazing. And then you'd see him a month later and he looked just like he did you know in December it was he had already bounced back and I just every year people do these things these crazy things. So help us understand because you went through this you hit you hit that that wall where it's like oh my god, my my health is suffering. I need to do some changes here. Tell us what you if you're sitting out there listening and people are just so desperate, so desperate to hear like, just tell me what I need to do. Tell me how I can get myself back. Because that's really what we're trying to do is you know, I want to I want to get me back

Amber Shaw: 00:39:59

out salutely And you know, I first want to really just, if you are somebody that is listening and you are feeling very uncomfortable in your body, and you are tired of feeling self conscious of the way you look and feeling like none of your clothes fit, I fit, I want to honor you that that that that is a very real and awful place to be. And so you know that it's not easy. It's not easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And I want to share with you what I think are kind of like the big top three dial movers of like, if you are somebody who is like, Okay, I am ready to like lose the weight and it not come back. That's the key I teach sustainable weight loss, right? Like what are like what are kind of the three big shifts that have to happen. And I would say the very first one is letting go of the diet mentality. Really, really owning that weight loss, the kind of weight that you lose and doesn't come back is not found in a diet, you have to get your mind right, that it is about building habits. It's about the life style, okay? That is the very first step is let go the diet mentality. The second step, stop trying to lose weight. Now, I know that that sounds kind of counterintuitive here. But let me let me explain that. You know, the problem is is with with diets, and if you are somebody that has done a lot of diets and you you you struggle to stay consistent, or you do diets and you lose weight, and you you know then and just like you said your friend, right, it's like you lose it, then you gain it, then you lose it, you're gaining the problem with diets that that they teach us nothing about, they will they go right for the nutrition, they go right for the fitness, right, and that's what we focus on. But they do nothing to focus on our mindset, and our habits and our lifestyle. And so we are within this container, whatever diet we're doing for this short amount of time, we're following somebody else's plan, somebody else's meal, somebody else's program we're doing, probably doing things that are too restrictive, that aren't realistic for real life. And so whatever you commit to if keto is your jam, well, then great, but great, but make sure it's your jam, that is a lifestyle for you, that's effortless, it's sustainable, and that you are really happy doing for the rest of your life, otherwise, you're never going to stick to it. And so when I say stop trying to lose weight, what I'm saying is stop focusing on the outcome of the weight loss, and start focusing on the process, start shifting your identity now of the person of the healthy person you're trying to be in the future. And the weight loss will be the byproducts of time it was not worrying about, you know, trying to get to the gym at 5am. Every morning, how about you start focusing on getting to bed at a good decent hour, so that it will make getting up at 5am. If that's your goal easier, right? So really take the time to focus on the process. You know, if you struggle with if you struggle with staying consistent in your nutrition, because you don't plan, well then start focusing on creating on planning, spending five minutes the night before your day planning your nutrition, we plan everything else in our life. But most people don't plan their nutrition. That's one of the hugest Dounreay,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:43:17

I say that is a great suggestion right there. Lay out your plan, plan what you want to eat before you're all of a sudden reaching for something very quickly. Absolutely. I think that's so great. And I also really liked what you said is that I there's this point of being honest with yourself about how you want to feel right. And when we get caught up in that cycle. And you know what, hey, I was blessed with a thin dad thin mom. Right? But I have been, I went and I had my whole panel taken, you know, about two years ago, and the doctor said, and we have Alzheimer's in our family history. And the doctor said, Hey, I have some really important information. And you really need to listen, Hillary and I said, that sounds a little serious. And he's like, I just want to let you know you are a fat person in a thin body. I'm like what he says I've been monitoring your eating for this last week, your you know, the vitamins that this that you you are that woman that's on the commercial that's walking down the red carpet and then just falls over. But nobody knows. Like, God, there were so healthy. That was so good. And it really was a wake up call for me. And they said, you know, based on they did a whole bunch of other tests and body and data. And they said you really should go on a Mediterranean diet. And I remember like, literally looking at what they told me I could eat and I wanted to cry. I was like oh my god, this is changing everything and it is hard to change your approach and what you're comfortable With and the stories you tell yourself about food, but you have done such a great job. And it did take me some time to embrace and I didn't go all in initially. And it's crazy because you know, you think like they've told me my health is at risk. I should have gone all in. But I knew me. And I knew I had to work my way. And I had to create those better habits. And I put little things in consistently more more of the lettuces and salads that I never would have eaten before. But for people when you're talking, I love planning ahead. Well, how do you have because you're so yummy guide, you've got this amazing body, which is you radiate health. How do you now plan for yourself over you know, the next couple of days or three days or four days, when you're maybe going on a business trip? Or you're going on vacation? Or you're going, you know, how do you then incorporate in still trying to be respectful of your habits and not blow the habits you've created?

Amber Shaw: 00:46:04

Well, and that's a great question. It actually even ties into my third, my third, you know, thing about really, you know, breaking that cycle is really leaning into the fact that like healthy living is really about, like being more consistent and not being perfect. It's not about it's about progress over perfection. So it doesn't require being perfect. And so to answer your question, on the day to day, I literally do spend about five minutes every single night when I wrap up my day, I have a planner, I'm old school, I like to write everything out. Because I like to cross things off, like I do with a pencil like it's all thing, but I literally look okay, like what is my day, and I visualize where I'm going to get my food in, right? So it's like, okay, it's tomorrow morning, I've got this podcast interview, and I've got this Okay, so that means tomorrow morning, before I get going, I need to go ahead and make a robust smoothie that I can have with me, because I'm back to back and I know like that that or, Oh, I've got this business meeting over here. Oh my gosh, my favorite salad places over there. So I'm going to leave five minutes early. I'm going to order to go I'll pick it up so that after my meeting, it's little planning, things like that, that can make all the difference. Now when traveling. Here's the thing when traveling, traveling doesn't have to be any different. Like for years, I looked at traveling on vacation as like an all out binge fest, right? It was like, it was like my excuse to like I'm on vacation. Oh, let's go. And I still do like probably indulge me. Yeah, over Christmas. I mean, yeah, it was I drinking and eating way more than I normally do. Yes, but it wasn't it was different. It wasn't from a place of oh, this is my time to binge. It was oh, this is just the season this is just where it's at. I'm enjoying it. Like every like this is this is different. So I think that when you are traveling, or you are on vacation, it really is just leaning into this like these and it goes back to this. I'm a you know, I'm a grown ass woman, I can eat what I want. Anytime these foods are available to me any time going on vacation isn't that doesn't mean it's like my only opportunity. I am I am empowered. Like right, that's taking back your power from food. We've we've we've for so many of us, we've given our power away to food, it's taking that power back and being like, I made my own choices here. And what that allows you to do, because most of us will agree when you go all in and like overdo it like the cheesecake in that whole big bowl of chips and do all that. How do you feel after you

Hilary DeCesare: 00:48:38

physically? Like you feel terrible? I

Amber Shaw: 00:48:41

feel terrible, right? And so and so that's the thing is that what that's the space I was talking about when I was saying that when you just give yourself permission and be like I can have that if I want it does open up the space to tap into. You know what the last time I said, Well, I went all in I actually felt like crap after I ate that entire piece of cheesecake. So I still want the cheesecake. I'm gonna have it but I'm gonna eat it until I'm satisfied. And then that's good because I can have it anytime I want. I really am or

Hilary DeCesare: 00:49:10

I've heard something. You just You just triggered something in my brain here. I've heard that after you have initially taken a bite like let's say pecan pie, which is one of my favorites. Then you have another bite and your tastebuds are still on high alert, high alert, they're they're on fire and then by the third bite, you're not even reached the receptors are not even at that level to give you that that jolt again the appreciation of what you're eating. Is that true or is that something that I just I've heard and

Amber Shaw: 00:49:42

maybe it's like well, I you know, I don't know the actual science behind that but I will say mentally I will say I will say that that is you will find if you are listening to this and you start practicing this I promise you are going to find it. You are going to find that because I hear that Some clients all day every day, like, oh, I had I had the cake, but literally I had just a couple bites and then I was like, I'm good. And I still I do think I want to look this up after the service. I'm like, is there some science behind that? Because I do think that it's true. And I know from my own self that like, yeah, once you if you really are really in tune with your body and you're letting go of this idea that I'm doing anything wrong, that this is my only time to eat it and like blah, blah, blah, blah, and you just be present and like actually just commit to like, I'm having this I'm ready for it and like being mindful of it. I guarantee you you're gonna have a few bites and be like, I'm good. Like that was satisfying to me. I don't need any more. You will my you, you will have a shift in fact, okay. Yeah. So

Hilary DeCesare: 00:50:41

as we are wrapping up this hour went so fast and I Where can people follow you find out how to get into I know you've got a great program that's going to be starting up. Tell us how we can reach you?

Amber Shaw: 00:50:56

Yes, yes, yes. Well, of course I am on all the social media. I'm on Tik Tok. I'm at Miss Amber Shaw. I'm on Instagram. I love getting DMS, from people that want to connect. So send me a DM over on Instagram. If something I said resonate? Or do you have a question? I'm at Miss Amber shot at Ms. Amber Shaw. And then yes, I have a free two day event coming up February 7 and eighth. And I am so excited about this. This is a two day transformational event and what I'm going to be doing just totally and complete transparency, I'm actually taking trainings and modules directly from my six month program and putting them into this two day event. And the whole point of this two day event is to really teach you some of the big dial movers when it comes to creating that foundation of sustainable weight loss and creating that lifestyle that works for you. How do you even go about doing that? Where do you start? And so that's what we're going to be covering. I personally coaches two day event. It's a very intimate group. It's going to be coaching and breakout sessions. And I'm super excited about it. And it's a two day event. It's so it's over two days. And it's going to be from three hours from 6pm to 9pm. Eastern Standard Time on Tuesday, and then same time six to 9pm on Wednesday, so yeah, so and we will

Hilary DeCesare: 00:52:17

put all of this in the show notes, we will make sure but please, you know, this is the time right? We're not about you know, these quick fix, we want to have sustainability, as Amber has shown us I mean this is so this has been so enlightening. I have loved it. Amber, thank you for being on the show this week. And we've got to do this again, because it was overall. And then for next week, you're not going to want to miss this because this is actually a what we're going to be talking about as I'm going to go solo with you to talk about how you can incorporate tune in change your channel and be able to do this on your own. So please join us next week you're going to hear some really incredible stories. And at this point, I want you to remember live now love now, re launched now, see you next week.