Building Your Legacy in the Pursuit of a Successful ReLaunch

Hilary DeCesare: 00:00:00

Welcome back to the ReLaunch a podcast. And I gotta say, when you connect with someone, and you have that, oh, we could talk about this or we could talk about that and, and it gets so almost like what should be the most engaging conversation not just for us, which we love having but for everyone listening in. And I think we nailed it. Because so many people right now are struggling with kind of what's next for them after relaunches, after resilience, trying to build up resilience, trying to be motivated to really get to that next level. And sometimes it's just motivation to make something happen this week or even today. So I am super excited. today. I've got Victoria Peltier a, she is an award winning executive leader, a number one best selling author, multiple books, every one of which I am so excited because she has influence unleashed that just came out hot off the press. She is a speaker, she talks around motivation, leadership, she's been Corporate Executive Board Director, entrepreneur, she won a very cool worldwide kind of award from Linked in. And it was all around number one social seller, public brand, and branding and getting your name out there and your company. I mean, it gets even more like there's so much to uncover here. She is a big advocate for d i The Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, she is born to lead. And I love this and not to be led, overcoming adversity, from a very early age has actually built up resilience. And we're going to hear how you can actually leverage the things that she has thought, as she's kind of grown up to make sure that she can then become a mentor, a leader or a coach, to those that are working with her. And I feel so fortunate that today we're going to be going into that because this woman is truly dynamic and unstoppable.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:02:31

Welcome, Victoria.

Victoria Pelletier: 00:02:34

Thank You for having me. Yes, thank you. Thank you. I'm super pleased to be here.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:02:38

Well, we have a lot to uncover. And I know that a lot of people out there we get asked all the time, you know, what is the fastest way to get through a relaunch and sometimes it's it's not as a to be a direct, right that direct road that you know, it's kind of like the yellow brick road it kind of goes everywhere and you end up in like crazy places that sometimes you don't want to be but Victoria, share with us at this point. One how you got here the relaunches that really truly impacted you and made you the person you are today. Yeah

Victoria Pelletier: 00:03:17

happy to. I would be remiss if I didn't tell you and your listeners Hillary Hillary a little bit more around what I describe as my wire my purpose and it's a big part of the story for me so my ability to be incredibly resilient. My nickname is turtle from my best friend tough exterior mushy on the inside comes from

Hilary DeCesare: 00:03:37

that is so great a turtle like I

Victoria Pelletier: 00:03:41

tell everyone it has nothing to do with pace because I'm like I'm the opposite I'm you know the you know the rabbit or the hare and the story and not the calf perspective. You know, I I overcame pretty significant trauma in my youth I'm born through a drug addicted teenage mother who was exceptionally abusive to me in in the child welfare system. My first few years. I'm fortunate I was adopted out of that, but in a lower socio economic home moment was the secretary data janitor and my thought process back then of one being nothing like my biology and the roots in which I where I came from, nor the circumstance. That's my fuel. My mum said to me when I was I think 10 or 11. She's like Tory, you need to do better than us. And she meant education and vocation. But she didn't need to because that was the fuel for me to sort of launch from where I had been in the challenges and adversity I had experienced that caused me to be this unstoppable woman who let nothing stop me from getting you know, that a goal or objective I've set for myself.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:04:44

So let me ask you what age were you when you were adopted?

Victoria Pelletier: 00:04:49

I was full four, five. So still fairly young, but having been so traumatic, I recall much of those first many years.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:04:58

Yeah, so You ended up getting, you're in this this household, it ended up that you went into being up for adoption and how long were you? How long did it take before you were adopted by a family? Well,

Victoria Pelletier: 00:05:13

actually, Julie, my biological mother, although I was removed from her care many times, she ended up meeting the couple that ended up becoming my adoptive parents at a bar probably not shocking, although my mom was a writer for a music magazine. So she was in the bar inner like there to watch an interview bands. And so after several instances of abuse, where Julie gave me to my parents to cool off, my mum, and my mum, being the woman that raised me asked Julie to remove me. So I'm fortunate I didn't sit and have to wait for adoption, even though I wasn't the child welfare system. You know, on a number of occasions, I had this amazing woman who asked Julie, and the most selfless thing Julie could have done as a mother was agreeing to give me up for adoption.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:05:59

Are you still in contact with Julie? No, she,

Victoria Pelletier: 00:06:04

I'm very different path I chose to go down. I mean, she ended up going to jail, she would call my mom every like maybe once a year, so either for money, but kind of to check on me. I saw her once when I was I think seven or eight. And she hit me in front of my mother. And that was the last time I've ever seen her in person. My mom picked her up and I was instantly. And then she went to jail when I was 11 or 12 for stabbing someone. And that was it. I had zero desire to ever have her back in my life. And unfortunately, she passed away from complications from AIDS, from whether from HIV from her sexual use for drug use, I'm not sure. And sadly, she and my mom both passed away within months of one another when I was pregnant with my youngest. And so that's a choice I've made. I don't know my biological father, I know a little bit of Julie's side of the family and probably have a little bit greater understanding and sympathy for her youth and growing up now that I know my grandmother biological. So you

Hilary DeCesare: 00:06:58

have you say you have had an opportunity now to get to know your biological grandmother a little

Victoria Pelletier: 00:07:03

bit a little bit I reached out in my teens, and I didn't learn much more around Julie's experience under my grandmother and later, my grandmother, someone acknowledged it with me in somewhat of an apology, I think, for her poor parenting of Julie and even just not being a great grandparent to me, as well. So

Hilary DeCesare: 00:07:24

you've obviously I mean, with what you've just described in the first, you know, five minutes here, there's been a lot, a lot of trauma, a lot of relaunches that were happening in your life that you know, you were at a very young age that you were trying to overcome with the best tools that you had being so young, right? Did you find that? Or how did you find that you were what was your coping mechanism?

Victoria Pelletier: 00:07:55

I wouldn't say I had a healthy way of being resilient early on. I had many other instances throughout my childhood I was raped in my teens a bunch of things. So there's like I I just got I learned to be very good at compartmentalizing, and to building walls around myself. And those showed up in my personal relationships, and they showed up at work. And so there were relaunches, I had to make in both of those areas of personal and professional to bring down the walls to allow people to know the true me be vulnerable with people be in the workplace, even that meant showing emotions. Because I was like all business all the time. And my coping mechanism to healthy way was something I actually attributes pretty significantly to my mother, I remember her sitting me down for hours to try and be incredibly self aware and reflective as I got in trouble or ahead emotions or something. And she's like Tori, we need to sit here we need to understand where does this come from. And so that, that self awareness and self reflection is something she taught me and I didn't lean heavily into it until I was probably well into my 20s and early 30s. And, and then what in what I've done beyond being self aware, and really reflective around the emotions or the actions is then starting to model the thoughts, the actions, the language, the behavior towards the goal, I wanted to get to that web and that goal could be whether it's a fitness goal, whether it's like in my personal relationships, or it's something I've set, you know, up for myself from a professional standpoint, that, you know, awareness, modeling thoughts, actions, Language Behavior, and giving myself permission to fail. And then get back up again and anchor towards, you know, whatever goal I've set for myself.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:09:44

So it's really amazing because, you know, you, you quickly throw in, you know, and I was raped and I had all these things happen. And this was when you were a teenager, that this violent act occurred at the time Were you able to acknowledge it? Or did you hide it? How did you get through that situation?

Victoria Pelletier: 00:10:07

I told my mom that she was she was aware, and I didn't really talk about it much, you know, for from from then onward, it took years for me to sort of speak publicly about it. But again, sort of work through that process. i It's interesting, though, I think, no, no victim should be blamed at all. I do want to acknowledge, however, that I think as a result of my early years of feeling, rejection, and abuse, you know, how can a mother do that? It created some pretty significant feelings. I, I developed very early, you know, puberty at six, I hit my height, by the time I was 10. I was taller than my teachers, like and so developed flourish. I gotta allow. Yes, yes. Yes. So I got I'm already

Hilary DeCesare: 00:10:53

at six. That's really,

Victoria Pelletier: 00:10:56

I remember my mom taking me to the, you know, doctor and the doctor, like, kind of peeking in my underwear to and like, it's like, yep, yep, she started just really, really early. And so I got lots of, you know, attention. And for me, I think, because I felt in many ways unloved. And I felt this rejection, I learned quickly to leverage. And I think I saw sexual attraction as some kind of sign of love. And so this was a date rate for me. But I put myself in some difficult situations, again, no blaming for victim. But I just I reflect back on that. And so that began to, I needed to shift my mindset from there. I need to, quite honestly love myself. Yeah.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:11:38

Well, and you know, it's interesting, and I'm going to quickly look here, because I, I'm, I want to mention something that there is a, a woman who just was on the, I think it was just this recent, and we talk about the Emmys. And she specifically said, you know, self esteem and it goes to self awareness, and it's not about everyone else, it's about you coming to grips with your own this, this ability to nobody else needs to say, the accolades or give you because, you know, that's what you are. And as I'm listening to you, there's a deep sense of, you've really done the work now, to know who you are, to be able to accept that you've you've mentioned, you know, no victim, no victim, but for those listening, how, how does one take the things that people feel are happening to them and accept the fact that wait a second, I you know, I've gotten to where I am, because they were, they're acting for me, Can you can you share with us, your you know, you teach leadership, you mentor on all these great ways for people in the business world, to move up and to be able to feel comfortable with all this and you've done it with some of the most, you know, awful situations that we haven't even gotten into a bunch of the other you know, this is, this is only the, you know, the top layer here, but how do you how do you coach people? Or how do you mentor them into saying, Yeah, I've had a lot go on, lots of people have lots of different relaunches, where do you even begin when people feel like they're just being hit from all different angles, and they don't feel like they can get themselves back up?

Victoria Pelletier: 00:13:41

Consultants because it depends on meeting it depends on the situation depends on the person however, there I use a phrase frequently around strategic intentionality, for many things, many, I'll tell people you're that CEO of your life, you're the CEO of your brand, whatever I'm like coaching or talking to them on and by that I mean, you have choice. And so one of the biggest things for me in both personal and professional and coaching people is yeah, actually drives my children nuts. I signed my social media posts with two hashtags, one is unstoppable. And that is that nothing is going to prevent me from achieving the goals or objectives. So I do try and teach people to have that mindset challenge and adversity is going to come your way. But do not let it stop you know, do not let anyone tell you how far or wide you can or will will not go again you decide that so that's one the second hashtag them on my children hate. No excuses.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:14:40

My children hate. I'd love to say that. Like, oh God, here we go, Mom. Oh,

Victoria Pelletier: 00:14:47

yeah, yeah, exactly. And by that, you know, it's not that we can't deeply feel an emotion or have a reaction when something occurs. As I said the turtle I'm extremely emotional, I cry at, you know, Humane Society commercials, I allow myself to feel. But then going back to strategic intentionality, I make a choice in terms of how I'm going to move forward, I'm going to build a plan and take steps. And I tell people progress is one foot in front of the other, like, don't expect overnight success or achievement of the goal or objective might get lucky. And that might happen. But it's one step. So let's build a plan towards how you are going to get there. But also surround yourself as you said, you know, people who might be feeling just completely overwhelmed, certainly utilize some of what I said around self awareness, reflection, modeling, the kind of thinking as well as the action. But in many cases, you need no sorry, in all cases, you need support, whether that be from the people around you, your tribe of people, or whether it's for someone professionally, like I wouldn't. So I never saw a psychologist, I would leverage things My mother taught me. But unfortunately, my ex passed away 10 years ago, and my children lost a parent through that process. And I had done immediately getting professional help. Let's deal with grief. How do we do that? And so I'll encourage people to find out what is the right solution for them in the situation. And with their own demeanor, like I've got an extremely high degree of fortitude, and like strength and resilience to handle a lot myself, but for many others find the support, and if so professionally, to help you on that, whether that's Coaching for Business, or whether that's psychological support to deal with trauma and feelings and emotions that you have seek them out.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:16:43

Yeah, it's interesting, because when I was going through divorce, and I had melanoma and I was having some really tough things going on with business, I wrote about it in my book relaunch. I decided at that point that I was initially going to use some of the more holistic, I went to an acupuncture, I went to just some alternative ways, and I eventually did go to a therapist. And at that point, I felt because I had really looked within myself, there were some things that were, like, blocked, that I couldn't figure out, I now know, through neuroscience, what was happening, my limiting beliefs were, you know, kind of supercharged into that. That Lane in my head that you can't just cover things, you got to dig to the roots so that you can actually blast those limiting beliefs. But with what you were able to do you, you've talked about your resilience. And yet you realize that hey, other you know, others may need it, your kids needed it when you're when your husband or your spouse passed away. What? What are you thinking about yourself? For those that are like, Well, wait, I'm going to be like, Victoria, I'm not going to, I don't need it. I don't have to go spend time working with a therapist, do you? I mean, what did you do that allowed you to not have to go down that path.

Victoria Pelletier: 00:18:23

Pretty significant. Self Help, not only through the tools that my mother taught me, I mean, I've been a voracious learner all my life. So I dive deep into topics. I mean, I self studied on a lot of things. So that certainly helped me. And although I didn't pay a professional, I had people around me who offered some pretty significant support to me. And some of it was support in by way of what you know, borrowing from Kim Scott's title of her book, radical candor. Like some people who were radically candid with me, you know, whether that was on the relationship side, and someone who said to me, like, you need to let the walls down to on the professional side, in part because I became an executive at age 24. And so some of it was my history. Some of it was being the only female the youngest female at the table. I also showed up a very certain way professionally, and someone told me once you know, it's okay to be vulnerable that I and I learned I had the nickname as the Iron Maiden, like, that's not the kind of leader I want to work for. So I have done a lot of self help. But I've had people around me that have either told me what I needed to hear and make me like, sit back and stare much more closely at the woman in the mirror and recognize I've got some more work to do. And then others I've talked through a big part for me, my people, now that you know, are my greatest support, or my husband, and my best friend. Many of the times I want to talk to them, I don't actually want advice. I just want to speak that helps me you know, think through the process as well. So I still have people around me who said For me, I'm just not paying them in the traditional sense to do that. And

Hilary DeCesare: 00:20:04

you know what, that's really where I wanted, you have this incredible network, you have the support system. So for those that have that, you know, utilize it for those that don't use the alternatives. And I think that that's what's so important. You have just come out with influence unleashed your brand new book, why was it time to write it? And what is the underlying message that you're hoping to get out?

Victoria Pelletier: 00:20:34

So I have one book already called unstoppable. It's a co authored book. And so when they approached me knowing that's like, my word, my life's philosophy, that was like serendipity. So I, you know, had done that when a number of years ago, and I planned on writing my own book, I'm in career transition from a C suite standpoint, and I am not good at being idle. So I left my my last employer in the summer, and I sat down, I thought, like, now's the time for me to do this. And I couldn't. So I actually have two coming out this year influence unleashed, which just released last week, and then one on leadership and culture that will come out early summer. This one is on personal branding. So the subtitle of this is forging a lasting legacy through personal branding. And the reason I decided to write it is multifold. One, I am asked to provide coaching and provide keynotes on the topic of personal branding. And also because I recognized in this period post COVID, where it's there's so much being done from a digital perspective digital presence on online, there's lots of people in career transition, sadly, I see them either stalled and only doing one part of what I believe is a multi foundational personal branding process, or getting it wrong. So I decided to write it all down on paper and audio book, which is my preferred method actually even ingesting my own, like learning through that. And so yes, so that one came out last week, I'm leveraging heavily, you acknowledged my intro, LinkedIn ranked me as the number one social seller worldwide when I worked for IBM. So for top, you know, brand for all of IBM globally, and so actually started developing training when they asked me to do that for fellow executives. So I've just taken all the stuff that I've been doing for years and put pen to paper, you know, voice that is

Hilary DeCesare: 00:22:19

incredible. I mean, that is an incredible feat right there. And you said that you were 24, when you got into was it the C suite? Correct. I mean that you are unstoppable. That is so impressive. And so what would you tell people right now, when you're talking about branding and self branding, what what is kind of your go to message for people that are hearing this, because there's a lot of confusion out there right now about you, as a leader and the CEO, or the entrepreneur of your business and how you brand yourself versus how you and your business.

Victoria Pelletier: 00:23:02

You are more than your title or the company you work for. And this is where I see people stall or get it wrong. They leverage just what they do. They're subject matter expertise, the industry know the function. They're in what they went to school for. But the reality is people do business with people they like and trust and want to do business with. So that first piece is the foundation, you know, what do you do? Yes, you need to be really clear on that and being able to tell the elevator pitch of what it is you do, and the industry you do it in or the company you do it for. But beyond that, there's a storytelling aspect. Who are you as a human, we buy and interact with humans? What's your story? What lived experiences? Are you comfortable sharing? What makes you unique in terms of interests, passions, values, related to that, and sometimes they go very closely together, what makes you different from others, when you think about your audience, who would engage with you and others that do what you do find out what your differentiator is. And the last thing is legacy and impact what do you want to be known for? So for me successful in business, a ton of merger and acquisition, I've turned around businesses, that's not going on a tombstone, that's gonna be one small part of who Victoria was when she dies. It's going to be about the impact I had around social equity and justice and making workplaces communities in the world a better place when I left it than when I came in.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:24:27

You know what? I agree, and there are people out there that are saying, Oh, hold on, I like where you're going. They have a business that maybe isn't lighting them up right now. Maybe it's it's a means to an end, but not the end to the means. Right? What do you suggest they do in terms of, you know, you move into legacy and does it have to equate To passion,

Victoria Pelletier: 00:25:02

I don't think it has to. However, I would certainly hope that it does. Where I've chosen to spend my time, it both personally and professionally, professionally are the things that bring me joy and value. Otherwise, I don't do it, or I outsource or delegate. But what I would also say related to what you asked Hillary is, I want your audience to know you can pivot and change over time, again, what I thought I wanted and how I defined success in my 20s, very different than what it became into my 30s and now into my 40s. And so I made conscious changes towards that. And also my my values, and the things that were really important to me, I couldn't have articulated at 20 something what my legacy and impact was going to be, again, I viewed in hierarchical in compensation as success in my career, that that's not it. So that evolved and changed. And if you need to pivot, because you were known as the Iron Maiden, and you needed to show up very differently. That's fine, too. But I laugh

Hilary DeCesare: 00:26:01

because I think we talked about this when we first got on, you said you were talking about the Iron Maiden, and I said, Well, I was known as the pit bull. Like, I think I like I don't know, I think I like yours a little bit more. But yes, because you know, you do have these identities, these labels that are put on you. And it's up to you to say, that's one that I want to own, or that's one that does not serve me anymore, as I'm moving into the next part of my journey, whether it's creating legacy, and re define right, redefine what you want that to be. And I think that's part of the exciting, where we're in our mid zone, this middle age, where we have the right to do this on our terms.

Victoria Pelletier: 00:26:54

Yeah, I agree. I love it. And so what's your question to your question, though, our own passion, I do hope that legacy will be connected to that. I mean, if you're familiar with the Japanese philosophy, rent kick guy, so what you do. And so you can be known for the things you like the skills that you have, that are highly desired and needed in a certain place. But is that what brings you joy and passion? And so I'd encourage you, I mean, earn, earn money in a place where you've got skill, and then there's a demand for it, for sure. But this whole so I talked about leadership in I use the phrase whole human leadership also said our brand, we show up his whole humans. And so I hope that part of what you're doing and legacy and what you're going to be known for, are the things that are connected to passions and the things that bring you joy.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:27:39

So anything else you want to tell us about this new book? Because influence unleashed, I was there, is there something else that if I could say, all right, in a couple seconds or less, what is it that you want people to walk away with?

Victoria Pelletier: 00:27:56

I want them to walk away with how to put together the foundations of a comprehensive personal brand. Although I do actually, you know, I talked about three acts of engagement. To do this and do it effectively, you need to bring three things to the table, you need to bring courage. I've talked about sharing stories and lived experiences or maybe its vulnerabilities, so courage, vulnerability, so people understand that whole person, and authenticity, which is Merriam Webster's word of 2024 is authenticity. But you need to also bring that to the table and I talk about it in a way that anyone can do. This is your you, we sit here together and your audience hears me they can probably gather I'm quite an extrovert, you can do this pretty successfully. If you're not that far on the extraversion scale. If you sit further and you're a little bit more introverted, it's I also talked about, we used to do that with what I refer to as electronic courage, but in very different ways to engage. And I talk about a lot of people that people would know publicly that you might not have gone Oh, that's an amazing brand. RBG, for example, her brand and actually, it's funny, because New York Times just published an article around the collar she wore and I referenced that in you know, in the book, and so just I encourage people to think about it in different ways and look at other people who aspire that it's strong brands.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:29:15

Hmm, I think she is just incredible. And in following I did a lot of history and I've written I've written a lot about her just from a what she was, you know, the how she grew up and her history behind how she turned up where she did and it's just it's it's truly one that I believe women today, when you're looking to break down walls. There's so much to be learned from women that came before us and she is definitely one that we can all we can all go back and read the history books because it's really impressive, Victoria. I'd love to find out. I'd love to share with the audience. Where can they find Find out more about you and follow you and hear more about your incredible insights.

Victoria Pelletier: 00:30:07

I have a website w hich is Victoria-pelletier.com And from there podcast posts that I write the books everything's accessible through there and they can link out to connect with me and other platforms from there if they'd like.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:30:22

So good and I thank you for being on the show today and one thing I do every once in a while and I think it might be fun with you is I love to ask the question if you are going to bring one of your closest friends a gift right what what product do you love to recommend? It could be beauty, it could be fashion it could be anything but what what would be that go to product right now you're recommending?

Victoria Pelletier: 00:30:48

Well my favorite one of my favorite brands period is Dior although I use Lumiere face products and so I actually have given each of those things to my best friend that's

Hilary DeCesare: 00:31:01

so good. Now what about your Is it their mascara? Is that their cream? Is it their what is it what do you

Victoria Pelletier: 00:31:07

love clothing for sure. Well

Hilary DeCesare: 00:31:11

I agree with you and I love their I love their butterfly everything butterfly right now that they have out there is just I could I literally for every single Christmas I'm doing I'm even doing a Valentine's this year because I'm like hey what about yes it's like what are you crazy but

Victoria Pelletier: 00:31:29

on the beauty product actually there mascara builder because I did I've got really long but super blonde eyelashes and so for a couple of years I was using eyelash extensions which damaged beat the heck out of your eyelashes. So they have this great you put on a builder first and then you put on the dark color. So that's currently my fav by them. Okay,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:31:52

well, we'll have that also in the show notes as well as all these other incredible tips and strategies for building resilience. And thank you for being open and authentic and sharing your relaunches that have made you into such a power house that is truly unstoppable. And I'm excited to see all the things that you're going to be doing as you pivot I like to call them re launches into your next big adventure. So thanks for being here.

Victoria Pelletier: 00:32:26

Thanks for having me.