Turning Setbacks into Comebacks: A ReLaunch of Resilience and Gratitude

Hilary DeCesare: 00:00:00

Welcome everyone. Yes, this is about you. And today I have an incredible person with us that is going to share a journey that I think we're all going to resonate with and understand that there are so many twists and turns and expectations that get completely sidelined. The person I'm talking to today, Phebe is this awesome, awesome, heart centered entrepreneur and accomplished soccer player. She's actually achieved so many accolades as an athlete, including being inducted into several not just one but several Hall of Fame. And here's the thing about this. She is not only a winning champion titles, she's being recognized as an exceptional athlete at that highest level. She's also excelled in her career. We're gonna hear all about network marketer earning top awards there too. She has been recognized by her company in numerous ways and Phebe recently released which I love her first book and it's it's a plan series so we all have these like, you know, you all have heard relaunch is not my only one. Phebe is going to be taking this book, never quit on a bad day, inspiring stories of resilience and keep it going. When you actually do read this, I'm going to say this, it's going to energize you to overcome your challenges strengthen you and what I love and you all know that's why we're here we love the tools to that head based three HQ everyone had heart Hi itself. And there's going to be this awesome part where she talks about gratitude for your specific journey. Not everyone else is Phebe, you are passionate about personal growth. And you're so incredible about empowering others to not just be stagnant but reach that highest level. So super excited to have you on the show today, Phebe Trotman in house like the chairs are going out for me and from the people that are listening right now. Thank you, Phebe for being here. Thank

Phebe Trotman: 00:02:36

you so much, Hillary. I've been looking forward to this conversation. I just I love what you do. Your energy just radiates. And I'm so honored to be with you today.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:02:44

Well, it's interesting because I although I have had athletes on I'd love specifically hearing your journey. And I think that we should start there in regards to the significant relaunch journey, not you where you are today. We're gonna jump into the business side of it. But you have a really unique relaunch story to share with people listening right now.

Phebe Trotman: 00:03:10

I do and it's interesting because as I think about it, that's why I love what you do with this this podcast because I've had several relaunches, and I feel like that when you look back over your journey, that's something and I know I'm gonna have more relaunches down the road as well, too. And one of them I want to share is actually when I was a teenager, and so I've done quite well on in soccer in terms of my community team. And so a couple of friends encouraged us to go out for provincial team, and went out for this provincial team fully expecting to make it because I had, you know, made kind of done quite well again in the community. And I still remember it so vividly. A coach asked me, you know, like, What position do you play and I'm very much an attacking, you know, goal scorer, and I share that and he was like, You're gonna play defense, and I'm like, wait, what, and Anyways, long story short, I ended up playing defense in this tryout tournament, if you will. And then the coach brings everybody in and starts going through this list of names of people who will make it to the next round and my name wasn't called. And I remember just kind of standing there waiting and being like, okay, maybe, you know, he's gonna call some more names, of course, and I never got called and I remember looking at a couple teammates who I was with in that community team, and they try out too, and they had that look of like, we don't know what to say, and I was happy for them, but it was devastated. And I walked back to the car, and I just remember crying as soon as I saw my dad, I just started crying and crying. Oh,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:04:32

how old were you at this point?

Phebe Trotman: 00:04:34

I was about 13 years old. 13 years old, and it was just crushing. And I remember just that and I cried for like a couple weeks straight like I was just so devastated by it. And and you know the reason this is such a like relaunches because I remember my parents kind of having this moment with me and just being like, okay, they probably just retired me crying and basically said, Okay, well, what now what do you want to do in terms of soccer? Like, are you Gotta let one coach's decision determine what you do with this sport, I guess it's really up to you, you know, and they weren't putting pressure either which way. And I remember kind of having this moment where I was like, You know what? No, like, I didn't want to be an impact player. And it was a relaunch in the sense that, from that moment, and I had to focus on what I could control, which was my work ethic, my attitude, my perspective, you know, versus just going in and being like, why don't play that position, making the most of every single opportunity. And that's what I did. I focused I was always with a ball outside in the backyard by myself a lot of times, sometimes with my older brother, sometimes with my dad just playing. And that is just kind of carried through in terms of all my relaunches, if you will, because I've had that like those reality checks where it's like, well, what can I control? What can I do to make the most of this particular opportunity in this situation? And that's just continuing through throughout my career it as

Hilary DeCesare: 00:05:54

well. I want to ask you something really interesting. You thought that is it where you were playing offense? Is that right? You were always enough for offense player, this coach says, No, we're gonna put you in, during this, like, you know, try out period as a defense player. Why? Why?

Phebe Trotman: 00:06:18

I have no idea. I honestly, it would be one because you're

Hilary DeCesare: 00:06:21

now a grown woman. And I love when we start to reassess the things that happened to and you're saying this is like, the most significant relaunch is like what was happening here? And being able to go back and be like, what? Because I do I'm going to do a little coaching here. Because one thing that we have always what we do is women and and men that are listening, as we put up the walls, right, like that happened it is you're saying the most significant relaunch journey. But there was a reason, right? There's something that we need to get to the root of, of what really happened, like, and I love how you're saying, hey, it's given me resilience, it's now like, but that was a gift. That was a gift that that coach gave you switch it up, and to have that failure. And I'd love for you to right now. Talk about that part of it. Like it was a gift. What What about it? Do you now look at from you know, hindsight? 2020? Silver Linings, as I often say, Oh, would you say about that?

Phebe Trotman: 00:07:28

Absolutely. And I've done a lot of reflecting because I'm working on the next book. And I share more details in that story of that story. In hearing one of the things that I realized looking back on it like that what it was you just said it was a gift, it wasn't an opportunity where maybe if I looked at this with a different lens and a different perspective, that coach saw in me something that I could adapt well to play in a new position, or maybe it was going to help me become a better attacking player. Because now I'm responding as a defensive player and learning how to maneuver that way you can think from that perspective. So there's so many times where a situation had happened. And depending on the lens that we want to look at it through it can it can impact us in so many different ways. And of course, back then, in terms of being you know, 13 year old, I was more so like, wait, what do you mean defense on your plate that's not defender, you know, and take that opportunity and not something now. But I just encourage people to make the most of every opportunity. Had I looked at it as a gift back then and went, Okay, it's not my favorite position. But I can learn this, this coach sees something in me that believes I can adapt well to this, this coach sees something unique in me that he feels I can be an offensive threat, and maybe a defense for here's an opportunity that I have a gift that I've given to shine on the field in this position, and to embrace it and run with it. And so, you know, it's interesting, because it again, hindsight, we can look at those, those relaunch moments. And if we start to look at things with just a slightly different perspective, a different lens, it can set us up for success in so many ways in our life. And

Hilary DeCesare: 00:08:59

I know as a 13 year old is really tough to do in the moment. It's tough to do even you know, even at the age we are now it is. But it is interesting, and I love that you're writing these books, and you're continuing to be very introspective on this because so many times we pigeonhole ourselves, like this is what I do. Like, this is who I am, right? The big thing about the I am statements, and it's like where did we come up with that? Where did it say that at 13? You were specifically an offense player. And these days, I know that on the MCU football team, we've got somebody that actually plays both defense and offense, right, that was unheard of years ago to be able to flip both both ways and everything and yet it's happening. And so I really when I heard you talk about this, I'm like, you're kind of that that person that has been So blast with just God given talent, you're so good. And now as we're getting older, where else has that come to life where you're like looking at it from a different lens?

Phebe Trotman: 00:10:15

You know, I that is something that I've had to do throughout my career as an athlete as well as an entrepreneur, were just taking moments to pause when situations happen, you know, like certain situations, events happen in our lives, and we can determine what meaning we give them. And a lot of times when you're in it, it's very challenging. Like, you know, I'm going through some personal stuff right now in terms of caregiver with my mom and whatnot. And, and it's very general. And one of the things you have to do is just pause and just be grateful, like grateful for the time grateful for the good moments. And gratitude is just such a huge part in everything. Again, even in hindsight with that situation as a 13 year old, being grateful that even had the opportunity to play grateful that this coach sauce within me like reframing that and really just pausing and finding gratitude throughout life's challenges, because what it does, it doesn't minimize gratitude doesn't minimize what you're going through, when you're in that situation. It just allows you to have a little bit of a shift in your perspective. And sometimes that's what we need to get through that situation, right? And being greatly early for, sometimes you're not grateful for that situation, because you're in it. But can you be grateful for something else in your life, be grateful that you're alive to experience that group be grateful for your health, or your friends, your family, and just finding something to be grateful for, because it will allow you to just get a little bit of shift of perspective, and sometimes that clarity within that clarity, it's going to continue and keep you going 100%.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:11:41

And I want to talk about the identity of an actual athlete, because I've coached a tremendous amount of athletes. And there's that point in time where you no longer can do what you used to do. And there's that moment of truth where it's your your career, doing what you love so much weight, you invested the hours upon hours, like I can also talk about an Olympic athlete that you know, God, you're so focused on what you're doing. And then it it comes to an end. How did you handle the identity shift from full, you know, full time soccer player, tons of like, recognition across everything. And then all of a sudden, it's like, it's now time to actually have a relaunch. How'd you do it?

Phebe Trotman: 00:12:39

Yeah, so I when I decided to retire from playing professional soccer, and I talk a little bit about this, because I hear when I say never quit on a bad day, I can hear people's ears being like, What do you mean, I never can quit? No. And so when I decided to transition, and I like to say transition, or move forward into like the next chapter, again, another relaunch, I did it from a place of it wasn't after a bad game or bad season, really, it was after, it was just a time where I realized that my priorities had shifted a little bit, you know, I was focused on starting this business. And I knew it was going to take a lot of time and effort, same way that I put that into my soccer career. And I wanted to have time for my friends and family. And I had missed a lot of events being on the road and games and things like that, which at the time, that was my focus was soccer. And I just realized my priorities have shifted a little bit and I wanted to put this energy into it. And so one of the things that I encourage people to do is when you're going to, you know, transition, whether it's a career in terms of athletics, whether it's a career, or you're just moving into kind of that next phase, look at as you're moving forward into something else, right and take the same experiences, it's like life skills that you've learned in one phase of your life is going to carry you forward into the next phase of it, the person that you've grown into throughout those experiences is what's helping you and Equipping You for the next chapter. And that's really how I looked at it is I'm moving forward into this next chapter of my life. I loved my athletic career, and I'm so grateful for it and I still, I still play soccer as well. I still do play, and I love that competitive outlet over there. So I keep that going in terms of still playing it's just a different level. And I really embrace it. I was moving forward into something else. It wasn't about what what am I leaving behind? It's focusing on what am I moving towards, just like when I started my career, you know, moving into the next phase of my athletic career in terms of university right and then University finished and then I was moving into the professional really looking forward into what your your next step is. Create that excitement around that.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:14:39

So there's a great book iki guy and it's about you know how people can take the purpose of your life and what you do and for those that haven't read it, go ikigai is the book it has like a blue and it's got little petals on the front. I think they're, you know, the cherry blossoms. And the reason that you you sparked something in my In my mind is that it talks about the in Japan, there's no word for retire, it's you are moving forward. It's again, continuing your own journey, your own purpose of life, and the self improvement constantly moving forward that that sense of gratitude and they have one of those, they're like the hotspot for one of the largest Centennials. Right people over 100. And how do you get there? And so I think what you're saying is so profound, because so many of us whether it's moving from corporate to entrepreneurship, whether it's you know, even on a personal level, getting a divorce, I've been I've been divorced and not having it be like that. Negative, like, I'm retiring, I'm giving it up, as you said, you're like, I still do. I love going out there and playing soccer, it still fuels you. And so as you are thinking about writing this book, and I love that you the name is never quit on a bad day inspiring stories of resilience. When did you get that inclination that you know why I need to write this book, I need to do this because book writing, as we all know, is a labor of love. And so what really sparked you,

Phebe Trotman: 00:16:17

it's interesting, I, you know, I had you talked about purpose. And I have felt on my heart that for the last like, five, seven years, if you will, to create something that would help and encourage and inspire people just because I've been inspired and encouraged by so many people over my journey. And so I wanted to create something to give, you know, give out and to the world and that same type of encouragement, inspiration. And I was sharing this with a couple of dear friends of mine. And so they were the ones who were like, well, you should write a book. And I chuckled, because, you know, I've a lot of life goals. And writing a book really wasn't on there on that. It really wasn't I wasn't, you know, there are some people who I'm like, Yes, write that book. And but really, I've always been very open, I've been open to, again, the purpose and how that, how that takes shape. I've been open to, you know, just kind of moving through it, if you will. And so when they suggested write a book, I kind of paused a little bit. And I was like, hey, you know, but it was open again. And we talked about it. And I said, Well, if I'm gonna write a book, it has to do two things. Number one, it has to help and encourage people. And number two, I really have to feel passionate about what the books gonna be about. And so I was kind of simmering on it that evening. And the month before I had incredible honor, I was inducted into the Khokhloma Sports Hall of Fame. And we had like an interview process. And in that the interviewer asked me like, What is sport given me and I shared a lot of the life skill. Oh, I love that question. It's a great question. Great question. And so I shared a lot of those life skills. And I shared I've had incredible highs, participate in sport, you know, national championships on every level with incredible teams. And I've had personal accolades as well. And I said, the only reason though, I've been able to have those highs are because of the lows, right, getting cut from that team, you know, sitting on the bench, not making the starting lineup, maybe not even getting in a game and pushing through all of that, because they push through all those tough things is why I was able to have those heights. And so that night when I was simmering on, you know, the book idea, that's when it hit me and I was like, that's what I want to write a book about the story behind the story. Because oftentimes, you know, people will see the list of accolades, they don't know about the 13 year old who cried her eyes out over and over. for weeks on end,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:18:25

they never they never know the behind, right, unless we share it unless we talk about the real side of, of you. So I gotta ask, what is sports giving you what is it taught you that the listeners right now are like, Yeah, that's really cool. Because you know, it is interesting. We're all encouraged at a young age. And I have, you know, three kids and two bonus kids. And I'll never forget the soccer field with these, you know, kids when they're young, and they just go run over to the ball. They're all running, they're not staying in their own positions. And it's, we've all been there we whether you know, we were athletes ourselves, or we have kids that were going through it, what had I would have been the biggest takeaways for you,

Phebe Trotman: 00:19:10

sport and I just wanna encourage parents listening out there. I believe wholeheartedly that every child should participate in sports at some just even as an experience, right? Because there's so many life skills you gain out of team sports, as well as individual sports and again, whether or not a child continues on in athletics. It's really not about that. It's just the experience of it. And so I actually oversee a program right now for kids, three year olds, seven year olds, and I absolutely love it because Oh, cheer I know that. So, but it gives you so many life skills in the sense of like teamwork, right getting good helps you push through, you know, team making friendships, like getting to know other kids that you're playing with, in terms of like those little wins learning to celebrate those little wins along whether it's you know, a child, didn't you their hand today at the soccer practice, I'm going to celebrate that. Or it might be them scoring a goal resilience, right? Being able to bounce back after disappointments. How do you move through that time management as you get older in terms of sport, you know, being a university athlete, you have to manage, you know, your, your athletic, you have to manage your schoolwork I was working part time, like there's a lot of pieces to that, right. Just in terms of attitude, respect, like learning to respect the sport, respect your teammates, respect your coaches, appreciation for everything, realizing, you know, it's humbling as well, too. And it's inspiring, because especially team sports, you know, you're in this team environment, and there's going to be other teammates, who are going to be better than you at a certain piece of the game. How can you let that fuel you to inspire you? And that's the same in life, right? There's going to be people who are going to be better at you than you are in other capacities. How can you use that, to inspire you, not to compete against them, but inspire you to be the best that you can be with your talent because we all have talent in different capacities. And so I just feel like and there's so I can keep going. But really, I

Hilary DeCesare: 00:21:06

gotta say, this, I love what you said about like, encourage your kids to do sports or your grandkids or who your nieces your nephew. And I do like the idea of even as you get older to be in some type of, you know, sport environment with that connection. I have two funny stories. All right, seventh grade, I was really fast in the pool. I swam against an Olympic athlete that ended up Dara Dara Torres, who ended up winning an Olympic medal. And I was I was able to not get totally lapped, and everyone's like, Oh, Hillary is a good swimmer. Well, then the end of summer comes along. And Coach hooker was my coach. And she said, I came back from summer vacation, and she says, Oh, in front of everyone. Oh, Hillary. You developed hips this summer. And I'm like, Oh, for God's sake. It was like crashing. And so I immediately gave up swimming because I'm like, okay, the coach, right. But I was really my jam was around tennis. I love tennis. I played, you know, all throughout high school. But the funniest I got a boyfriend who ended up being a super soccer player. And this is my soccer, my soccer. I'm connecting with you right now. So when I'm in 10th grade, I decided I'm going to go out for the soccer team. And again, I was a tennis player. And that was my, my, my thing. And so the first game I man, and they have me playing left wing, and a ball was kicked from the goalie. And I think I should head it because we had practice heading the day before our IFBB I had the ball. And you know what happened, I go down for the count. I ended up with a concussion. The guy that I was so you know, ended up you know, dating him for about four or five years, he had to carry me off the field. And I when I finally was like, out of this dazed and confused, I said to him, I'm done. I'm not I'm never watching this word again. But even the lesson that it taught me like, I, you know, I've had that failures are good. Like, I just assumed I could go out there and yeah, you know, I'm I can do this. I did it. So I love what you're doing. I think it is so important. And I love that you're, you're getting these little kids to really, you know, love the game. But now as we're moving forward, you are also a very successful business woman, Kim, you and you gave up that full time soccer to go out into the business world, and where you are today as a reflection of everything combined. And I love to have you share what, you know, what, what made you get into specifically what you're doing now? And what would you say are the biggest takeaways right now? Like the things that people listening are like, oh, I need to do that. Yeah,

Phebe Trotman: 00:24:06

so my transition into kind of the business world, if you will, was through network marketing. And so I had always had this kind of entrepreneurial spirit. I was doing a bunch of little side projects, if you will. And it's been it was interesting, because right away, I kind of went into it being like, well, of course I'm gonna you know, again, having that like, oh, yeah, this will be fine. It'll be easy, if you will. And one need not necessarily following a system or the structure and it wasn't until kind of I flipped that hat and put on like the what did I do for soccer successful you're consistent. You're training on a regular basis, you're setting goals, you're going after those goals, and transferring that over into like this business and that's when I started creating success. And one of the beautiful things in terms of network marketing is that team aspect and because coming from an athletic background where I focus more on my team sport, if you will, that transferred over and so it was fun, Ben I love like the team building pizza I'd love to collaborate and working with a group of people to accomplish a common goal, if you will, on that common goal was a win for them, you know, it's it's different wins, it's a little bit different than the soccer field, if you will. That being said the same principles transfer over into terms of, you know, appreciating your teammates working, really creating a team where everyone's moving together for a common goal. And I think that's just so important in the business world, the more we can focus on, how can we help someone else? Like even when it's your client, how can you help that client with whatever they're looking to do? And when we focus from that, and that's why I say heart centered when we look at that other individual as a person, and they have their own goal of what they want to accomplish? And how can we help them accomplish that? That's where the magic lies in terms of creating success. And that's just something that I've continued on to do. And even in terms of this next kind of phase it with the book and whatnot is focusing on like, How can I put myself in the reader shoes? And what were things that I learned in? You know, I've booked shelves, books all around me? What are some of the things that have helped me in terms of my journey that I can now share with someone else? So when we can just lead from looking at that other person and how we can help that other person? That's where the magic really comes together?

Hilary DeCesare: 00:26:15

So when you think about bad days, we all have, well, that's part of life, right? We all have relaunches that's part of life. You you say and you talk about the never quit, never quit on a bad day. How are you doing that? How do you help people? How are you successfully using what you're teaching people in your book?

Phebe Trotman: 00:26:38

Everything that is in that book is everything I'm doing right now because that as you said, there are life Life has challenges and there's a lot that we have to go through and grow through a love of John Maxwell says that like growth through those challenges, and so a lot of what I'm doing right now when I have those bad and tough days, if you will, part of its its perspective, right of also reframing how can we look at this through again, as we're seeing that different lens. So it's a lot of times it's reframing it from the lines perspective, a lot of gratitude of just like, oh, wait,

Hilary DeCesare: 00:27:09

so something let's just say something bad happens client, you thought you were going to close this great deal, and it ends up either getting kicked to the curb or pushed out. What do you immediately you get the call? Yeah, Phebe, you know, yeah, I know. I said I would do this. But you know what, it's just not going to work out right. Now. What do you immediately go do?

Phebe Trotman: 00:27:32

Very so let's say I've had situations like that in terms of never like typing

Hilary DeCesare: 00:27:36

we all have, right? They're like, Okay, you're in sales, we all know. Yeah,

Phebe Trotman: 00:27:41

exactly. And so I mean, right away, obviously, you're gonna have the emotions of you know, depending on the client, there might be the disappointment, the frustration, but you're just like, Oh, I like that person. Oh, you know, you have that sad. Yeah. So like, I give yourself you know, for me, personally, I'm gonna take a few minutes with it, I'm not just gonna glaze over. And I'm gonna acknowledge those feelings. I mean, human being right, we're gonna have those moments. Sometimes if I'm super like, I might go workout, just change my state, right? Get out of where I am, go for a walk, go for a ride, go to boot camp, I'm gonna do something physical, oftentimes to change my state. Sometimes I'm just gonna pause there. If with this reframe, again, depending on the person or the situation, okay? Not necessarily what I would have chosen. However, this frees me up for something else. And I do really have to have that openness to like, okay, you know, not exactly what I would have written. However, that's not how life works and what next, just just the same way this person came into my life and brought a flow of business and excitement and whatnot, the next persons can do that as well, too. So having that moment of being grateful again, it's a process it isn't, I don't want anyone listening to be like, Oh, he just Max. No, no, it's not that at all right? You feel the emotions, you work through that, but also realizing that you've been through and this is something that I have to remind myself constantly with everything I'm kind of dealing with right now. I've been through tough stuff before, and people listening, you've been through tough stuff before, because you're still here. So you can go through and grow through this next tough situation, if you will. And that's one thing, you know, you know, what's in terms of just again, and reframing and what can we learn from that past experience to take forward to the next either it doesn't happen the same way? Or even if it does, can you move through it a little bit quicker the next time?

Hilary DeCesare: 00:29:30

That is, those are those are like that book where you know, you're giving the words of wisdom that we all need to be hearing people go back and re listen to this. It is so good. So Phebe, I always like to do this at the end. And if you were going over to someone's house or you're coming to my house and you're like, I want to bring something that I just love, like I love it, I want to share this like whether it's beauty, whether it's sports, whether whatever it is what is your Go to gift right now that you would want to like you know, I really liked this. Oh

Phebe Trotman: 00:30:05

interesting my mind right away thought like I'm coming over to your house so I'm gonna bring a dessert

Hilary DeCesare: 00:30:12

chair, bring the dessert, bring the dessert, and then is there like it's my birthday? Like why would you Oh, I, you know, I know she'd love this, what else would you do?

Phebe Trotman: 00:30:22

I would a gift that's going to encourage you. And it can take many different shapes. You know, it might be a journal with a really cool stain on the front of it. It might be a candle with a nice city and again, it's gonna depend on what you be my friend would be like, You know what I can see you're wanting to write something it's gonna be something that's gonna encourage you along your journey because as we've talked about, everybody has their own journey and it's just my what I feel like it's kind of what are the gifts or what I'm I'm here to do is just encourage people along their journey and be a little cheerleader. It'd be like you can keep doing this you've got

Hilary DeCesare: 00:30:58

okay, what I would actually really like is the lipstick you're wearing. What makes that because that is like that is so good. We can do

Phebe Trotman: 00:31:07

that we can do that that I can bring over for sure.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:31:11

Okay, so Phebe Trotman how do we get to hear more about you how can we follow you how can you light us up? Absolutely. So

Phebe Trotman: 00:31:20

I am by website it is very easy to remember never quit on a bad day.com as well as that's Instagram Facebook, and then also my personal pages which just feed the Trotman Phoebe No. Oh, gotta say that.

Hilary DeCesare: 00:31:32

So that is interesting It's P H E B E, P H E B E. Trotman is totally T R OT M A N We're going to put all of this in the show notes. I'm also going to make sure you give us the name of that lipstick because it is on fire on you. And for everyone, please go explore read the book. It's this woman is lighting it up. She is truly a world changer. And I can hardly wait to continue to follow you read the next book resilience. So important, right resilience to get through relaunches. And everyone keep in mind that it is about live now. Today. Love now and relaunch now into your next best journey. Everyone will see you next week. Thanks again for being here.