Own Your Failures and Lean into the Learning – Alisha Wielfaert | EP128

Expert facilitator, coach, and author, Alisha Wielfaert, knows a thing or two about failures. In fact, she’s written a book about them and how we can build resilience through everyday setbacks. Join Hilary and Alisha as they discuss major life relaunches, the importance of owning your failures, and the beauty of learning from life’s lessons.

About our Guest:

Alisha Wielfaert is an expert facilitator skilled in the art of gathering women for meaningful connection and deep dives into spirituality and creativity. She is the founder of Yoke and Abundance, a platform committed to amplifying the emerging voices of women through her wise women podcast, press publishing arm, and individual and group coaching programs. Early in her career, Alisha spent 11 years as an award-winning internal wholesaler in the life insurance industry. While juggling a successful full-time job, she founded and ran Greensboro Downtown Yoga for five years, before selling it. Alisha has been an entrepreneur for ten years and has founded two successful businesses. She was awarded 40 under 40 by the Triad Business Journal in 2020. Her first book “Little Failures: Learning to Build Resilience Through Everyday Setbacks, Challenges, and Obstacles” was published in May of 2022. Alisha is working on her second book, Little Rituals, to be published in the fall of 2023. In her spare time and stolen moments, Alisha loves watercolor painting. She is an avid traveler, writer, and speaker who enjoys working with anyone with a propensity to take action towards their dreams.

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Transcript
Hilary DeCesare:

Welcome, everybody, and happy day we are going to be talking today about those relaunches that are unexpected, those relaunches that come at us in the most in opportune time that literally bring us to our knees. And then we're also going to be talking Have you guys ever wondered, how do people be in a certain business and be able to start another one? Corporate, whether you're in regular business, you want to start something else? How do you do it all? Well, today I've got Alisha Wielfaert, and she is a skilled gathering people. She puts them all together, meaningful connection she deeps dies, and this is the best part into spirituality and creativity. She is the founder of yoke and abundance, a platform committed to amplifying the emerging voices of women through her wise woman podcast, press publishing arm, you heard that right. She published his book, she's had a couple she's got one book out already. She's got another one coming. We're going to deep dive into that. And early in her career, Alicia spent 11 years as an award winning life insurance industry wholesaler, and why juggling a successful full time job she founded and ran Greensboro downtown yoga for five years. And then guess what sold that business. And so we're going to be talking to her today because she was awarded 40 under 40. in the journal in triad, Business Journal and 2020 and her book, how about this one everyone little failures, learning to build resilience through everyday setbacks. You know, I love this challenges and obstacles, and it was published in May of 2022. So we're gonna do a deep dive into all of this. So this is going to be the episode for you if you've got a lot of stuff coming at you, and don't know where to begin.

Hilary DeCesare:

You're listening to the relaunch podcast and I'm your host, Hillary to Caesar, best selling author, speaker and transformational coach widely recognized in the worlds of neuro psychology, and business launches, which cultivated the one and only three HQ method, helping midlife women. Yep, that's me to rebuild a life of purpose, possibility and inspiring business ventures. Each week, we'll be diving into the stories that brought upon the most inspirational relaunches while sharing the methods and the secrets that they learned along the way, so that you too, can have not just an ordinary relaunch, but an extraordinary relaunch.

Hilary DeCesare:

Hey, Alicia, it's so great to have you here.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Hilary, thank you so much for having me. It is I've been looking forward to talking to you all week.

Hilary DeCesare:

Oh, my gosh, this is so great. And, you know, I always like to read somebody's you know, entire bio, as you know, I go through it, because it's just like, there's so much and I know yours has tons more that you know, was cut out, not in, but I gotta tell you, your what you're doing now is so relevant to us, one of your words, so relevant in women's lives today, especially, that are trying to figure out, you know, whether it's the great resignation, whether they're, you know, quietly quitting at the office, whether they are in an entrepreneurial position, anywhere, it's like, what if you want to do a couple things at the same time? What if that's just you know, who you are, maybe you want to do even more than that. So let's take a step back. Because I know there's a lot more to this relaunch story than what I've even shared. And let's have you discuss, really how this first most impactful relaunch of your life leads to one that you and I hold near and dear to our hearts. Yeah, that second?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, I know that you spent a really long time in Silicon Valley, and I know that you probably know what it feels like. And I'm sure the listeners have felt this at some point in their life. That feeling of you're in a position and on paper. It's like the American dream. You know, you're gonna you've got a steady paying job. And you've got pretty amazing colleagues that you work with you And yet it feels like jail. Like, you go every day. That's what it felt like, for me anyway. And I was going every day, I had just kind of happened into it. I left my liberal arts college way back in what feels like forever ago, but 2004 And I thought that I was gonna change the world. That was before I realized that the only thing you can change is yourself. And I just ended up in this, you know, in the financial industry of all places, you know, I thought it was a hippie, and then I ended up wearing a suit and heels every day to work.

Hilary DeCesare:

I love that. You said I happened into it? Because I got it. Okay, everyone out there that's listening. Have you had a position where you're like, I have no idea how I got here. But I'm here now. Like, why how and I have to say the same thing happened to me with all of a sudden ending up at Xerox first. And then Oracle. I'm just kind of like, how did I end up here?

Alisha Wielfaert:

I love that.

Hilary DeCesare:

So yeah, so you're in that you're in the financial business? And you're like, how did that happen?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, I was working at the grocery store is across the street from my college ended up kind of working the ladder rung, you know, going up the ladder there in management, and was like, I can't believe I just got a psychology degree to do this. No shade, if that's what your passion is, but it was not my passion. And, and retail is brutal. So I just wanted a nine to five job where I could go do the work, get a good paycheck, pay back those student loans. And I went to a career fair that they had, it was like a last resort, you know, and I happen to share my resume with someone who happened to be a graduate of Guilford College. And he's like, you went to Guilford to, I'm definitely going to put this on somebody's desk. And about a month later, somebody called me and said, Can you come in for an interview?

Hilary DeCesare:

And that is that is so good. Because how many people end up, you know, doing something that they're like, I have no idea. And by the way, let's do a shout out to those psychology degrees. Because it same with me. It has come in handy. I have loved it. I fall back on it all the time. When I first graduated, I'm like, am I ever going to use this? Every day? Me too. I

Alisha Wielfaert:

love my like, if I could be a perpetual student, I would just keep going in psychology. I didn't think that at the time. But now I'm like, Oh, give me all the psychology and all the research based psychology. But

Hilary DeCesare:

again, you and I are the same way when I talk about my three H key when I talk about higher self, one of the components of higher self is the G Zone is that growth, greatness gratitude zone and that growth I am I could I could literally learn be in courses and classes and get certified and all these I mean, I love it.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Love Me too.

Hilary DeCesare:

So we're both the same there.

Alisha Wielfaert:

I know. And I've got like, goosebumps on my arms, because growth is like my number one core value.

Hilary DeCesare:

It's it's one of my three. That's awesome. I still think freedom might be up at the top.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Yeah. Oh my gosh, we're so similar. Sovereignty is what I call it.

Hilary DeCesare:

Oh. Okay. So now you're you're you're going into this profession, that you're just like no idea why I'm here, but I'm here. And then what what happens?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, I, it turns out, I'm good at it. Because it's relationship building. And, you know, I were doing sales, you're dialing for dollars, but really, what I was paid to do was get on the phone and build relationships with financial advisors. And I did really well at that. And I had a towards the end, I had a really amazing partner who is out in the field, and I was in his internal counterpart. And I learned so much from him about sales, and it just kept like the learning process kept getting better and better, but it was still soul sucking. It was like, totally soul sucking. So yeah, I was

Hilary DeCesare:

thinking, Oh, this is so familiar, because I thought the same at Oracle forum was 10 years. Yeah. Kicking ass bringing in tons of money, seven figures, you know, year old. I mean, this was big time. And it was soul sucking.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Like, how am I going to keep doing this? And I would think that every year like I, you know, I would get my work done as quickly as I possibly could so that I could search LinkedIn for jobs, like one of those situations. So you'd be at work searching for another job. Sorry, Matt, if you're listening to this. You know, I get my work done. And so I ended up in that seeker role. So yoga was a big thing for me. And I was taking Every yoga class I possibly could and eventually did a yoga teacher training, taught at a studio for a while, and then started offering classes at a bike shop actually, like a cycling shop for free. It was just to help, you know, garner a community. And it was great. It was really fun. And I thought, why don't I Why don't I give this a try? And why don't I create the type of studio here in Greensboro that I want to practice that because there wasn't quite one like that. And so I opened Greensboro, downtown yoga, and

Hilary DeCesare:

the other you were doing full time, full time job, you had this other? How were you able to juggle both?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, let's just say my relationships suffered quite a bit. And I would go teach classes before work. So like a 5:45am yoga class, and then I would quick change and then go to work, it was down the block, the studio is down the block from work. And I on my lunch break, I would be doing schedules for the yoga teachers, and I would be writing payroll and newsletters. And then in the evening, I'd go teach more classes, and I would teach on the weekends. And it it burnt me out so bad, and I don't think I didn't do the studio. Well, but it taught me so much.

Hilary DeCesare:

But then how did you continue to move forward? Something pretty significant happened?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Yeah, um, so.

Alisha Wielfaert:

So first, what happened was, I had this wake up, I took myself in 2017, I took myself on a solo retreat, and I just went to the beach. And I took poster board with me and I took my journal. And I said, Okay, what are my core values? Right? And it was like creativity and sovereignty and growth and mindfulness. And I, and health health was a really big one. And how do

Hilary DeCesare:

you wait before you go on? How did you narrow your How did you even begin to go down like how to determine your core,

Alisha Wielfaert:

I had worked with coaches, and there's this phenom, I got a shout out to one of my mentors and teachers, Kimberly Wilson, she was a yoga studio owner in the DC area, she had a really successful studio, tranquillity du jour is her brand now. And she and her book takes you through how to fill out core values. And I've since developed my own process around that. But I just did that process. And I realized when I looked at everything happening in my life, nothing was in alignment with those core values. I came home and started taking baby steps towards getting out of the relationship I was in. And I didn't have something quite lined up yet. But I told my counterpart that this was January, I told him, I'm going to give you as long of a runway as I can. I will quit at the end of May. So you have me until June to find a replacement. And I that's what

Hilary DeCesare:

we have in the ground. Yes, they can round out the way I call that as that is your relaunch. Yes, I made this decision. You got very clear. This is the day. This is what I'm doing.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Yeah. And I knew the yoga studio had to go my I had brought on a business partner and she had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She's very fine. Now she's great now. But it was a traumatic time for her. And so we just couldn't juggle it together. So we said, You know what, this isn't working. Let's, let's sell it. We sold it to our studio manager. And I and I thought, okay, psychology background. I know all of these techniques from the coaches I've worked with, I think I am supposed to be a coach or a psychologist. We'll just see which one comes first. And

Hilary DeCesare:

so wait. So at this point, you're like, I know, I can't be there. And you didn't have anything at that point to fall back on? No, I want people to know that that there are those that have to have, it's like, you know, when you're dating, and you don't break up until you have something else in the works, right? There's those women I get it. I was one of them for a while. And then there are those that like, no, I need my space. And I was that woman as well. Eventually, I was like, I need a six month detox. And so you decided to do this. And I know that there was it was at this company that you had the misfortune of the business or was it something that we're going to discuss in the future? It's

Alisha Wielfaert:

something in the future. Okay, so I'm not going there yet. Okay. Yeah,

Hilary DeCesare:

don't take me there. I don't want to know that. I won't take you there yet. Okay, so right now you have been, you've really gotten very clear on Your core values you are knowing that you're not in alignment with the other job, you quit. And you're like, Hey, I'm opening this up. You know that the yoga studio, you closed it at the exact same time. Is that right?

Alisha Wielfaert:

In February? Yep. Well, we sold that in February. Yep. Okay,

Hilary DeCesare:

sold it. That's awesome. Congratulations. And then what happened?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, I decided to give myself a year to figure it out. And I took Marie Forleo B School God lover, and Marie Forleo. She's awesome. But I started interviewing.

Hilary DeCesare:

I agree, shout out, shout out. Absolutely. Yeah.

Alisha Wielfaert:

There's so many amazing women doing amazing

Hilary DeCesare:

everything is figure out double? Yes. Yes. And you know what? It really is 100% 100%. And at this point, though, you decided to do a year of travel? I did. So great. So is this like an Eat Pray Love? Is this? What was this for you?

Alisha Wielfaert:

I've always been in traveler and I was so starved for freedom and exploration. I also had this misguided idea that gets me into trouble down the road. And we'll talk about that in a minute that as I should be blogging while I'm traveling and talking about my coaching process, and that this would attract my target audience. hint that did not work.

Hilary DeCesare:

Back to Why do you think it didn't work, because this is so important for people to hear, when you're pushing and you're pushing and you're pushing and things don't work? Well, what was going on?

Alisha Wielfaert:

I would say that it's right around the time that organic traffic stopped working in Facebook. And so there was a timing issue there where I wasn't getting the organic traffic, I had not yet built an audience base or an email list. I wasn't running ads to anything. And I didn't know enough about marketing. And that's why it didn't work. And so you have to have an email list, you have to have an audience base. And you have to put in that groundwork.

Hilary DeCesare:

And it's a building process, right? You got to know, in this business, you know, build it and they will come No.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Foundation steps, you have to have them in there.

Hilary DeCesare:

You do. And you have to, you know, there's a lot of times where you have to relaunch and move and shift. And then and only then are you able to kind of take it to that next level. And a lot of times, you know, I know for me, I just got back from Africa. And I, you know, went in with the I'm going to do this every day. I'm going to do you know, reels and I'm about day two. I'm like, You know what? It doesn't feel right to me. Yeah, I have, you know, I knew I needed that sabbatical that break that, you know, I just lost my dad, I knew I had to take a break. And I wasn't able to, if I was constantly thinking, how am I going to show this? How am I going to you know, put this out there. And what's interesting is even at this point, I still haven't kind of formulated that whole trip. And we're working on it right now. But it will be so much more impactful the way we're going to deliver it. Right now we have to take a short break, Alicia, I appreciate all the things that you have given us so far. But when we come back, we're going to get into a very similar relaunch that we had, how we both were able to overcome it, and then also get into little failures and what you can do to move ahead. Very cool. We'll be right back. This episode is brought to you by my very own labor of love my most recent book relaunch. This book is a collection of my stories, other stories and is a motivational guide to living a new three h q lifestyle, sparking your heart to ignite your life. It's available for purchase via Amazon, get ready to turn on the three HQ method that I've been using for years throughout my entire life reaching the next level in all areas, both professionally and personally. Get your copy today at www dot the relaunch book.com Welcome back, and I have Alicia will flirt with me. And what we're going to be talking about now is unfortunately, a way of life. And there's a few relaunches in our life that you can't avoid. And so, unfortunately, it's going to happen. It's going to happen to all of us, but we're going to talk about how to write is above it, what we can actually do. And both of us, Alicia and I both have the same experience, which is, you know, heart wrenching, we're going to discuss it. And also, if you guys are out there and you're wondering, what steps what can you do when you have failures, you know all about the relaunch effect. But today we're going to hear from the gal who wrote the book, little failures and is going to she's going to walk us through that. And her next one little rituals. You don't want to miss this. Okay, Alicia, you're back. All right. So,

Alisha Wielfaert:

you know, I said the travel year was maybe a little misguided because I hadn't built the foundation. Listen, I'd done some homework, I took the school, I wrote the business plan, I did exactly what I thought I was supposed to do. But there's always so much more to learn. And I really went through all my savings. And I, I just went through it, but I knew I was supposed to be doing what I was doing. I even picked up another job as things were getting bad. And fast forward to 2019. And I'm realizing that I've gotten to the point of no return. And like even still talking about it, even though I wrote about it, it still feels shameful. It still feels like even about to say this. I'm like nervous, but I had to file for bankruptcy. And so this is 2019. And I knew this was coming. I'd met with a lawyer, I knew the steps were to stop paying on my credit cards.

Hilary DeCesare:

So where you're telling me is that you had maxed out your card, you didn't have savings, were you able to pay your rent, were you a mortgage,

Alisha Wielfaert:

um, I was barely making my more. I mean, there were months where I didn't know how I was. It was like faith. And Jeff Walker, the launch king. He calls it hope and prayer marketing. And I was on the hope and prayer marketing team. And it was tough. It was really tough. However, there was this thing inside me the whole time, that this burning of knowing that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. And I needed to find a way to figure it out. And I needed to keep moving forward. And so through it all, I just kept the faith in that. And honored that that was the most I

Hilary DeCesare:

don't know, for those that don't know, what does it what does it mean to you as a person to file personally for bankruptcy?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Oh, God, I feel like it's it feels so shameful. So it feels like I'd never borrowed that money intending to not pay it back. Right? That felt like stealing. And it felt like shame and it felt like it just feels like you want to hide in your bedroom and not ever look at anyone again.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Can I ask how much

Hilary DeCesare:

had you kind of, you know, put in, like, how much was it? How much

Alisha Wielfaert:

a lot? About 50,000.

Hilary DeCesare:

So you're 50,000 in debt. And you're like, there is no way I can get myself out of this hole. So you file for bankruptcy, which means basically, you know, everyone can't come after you. Right. But it still leaves a mark on your record. Right? Yeah. So you had to make that decision. Like, okay. And in you said 2019. Yeah.

Alisha Wielfaert:

So here's the interesting thing. I knew that this was starting to happen early in the year, and I knew what the steps were. And I think that I still had this like hope that maybe I would be able to pull off some launch that would give me enough to like, there was always that in the back of my head. And things started rolling in my business. And I was like, Okay, I think I can do this. I think I'll find a way to do this. And I distinctly remember, it was April 2015. And I was sitting in this room, and I had two podcast, interviews scheduled that day back to back. And I did the one podcast interview and I'm like, Oh, God, this is awesome. And they were coming to my house for those. It was before zoom was as big as it was. And I did this weird thing where I just thought I'll take a quick break and I'll sit down on the couch. I never do that between interviews. And I turned on my phone. And my mom called and she's like Alicia, are you sitting down and I was like, oh shit, my mom never calls me. And I knew it was bad from that. I knew it was horrible at that moment and her brother has had cancer at the time. And so I thought she was kind of telling me that my uncle had passed away I would have expected that. And then she was like it's your dad and and he If he just sat down and died like that, he just sat down and died. We don't exactly know what happened. But it was earth shattering. My dad was like, the sun and the rest of us, you know, we're in the orbit around the sun. And he was like the most loving, caring human being and just compassion and non judgmental. And it just so unexpected. He was my running buddy, you know, we didn't expect him to sit down and die. Like, he seems so healthy.

Hilary DeCesare:

Yeah, do we know now what it was?

Alisha Wielfaert:

We think it was heart disease. And you know, it's so interesting is my favorite place on earth. I feel like I have a soul connection to Paris. And since I was a little, little little kid, and that's the same day notre DOM burned. And so I remember I drove I jumped, I basically jumped in the car. I jumped in the car, and like, I threw, like my whole house into the car, drove the 10 hours up to Toledo, Ohio, where I'm from, and I was like, an hour from Toledo. And a good friend called me and she said, Alicia, like, I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry, I have to tell you this, too. But notre DOM burned today. And I was just like, What in the world? Yeah, so

Hilary DeCesare:

So you have this experience where your mom calls and I can still remember the day my mom called to tell me that she had cancer. And I think, you know, I've shared this that. June 6 of this year 2022, my dad passed. And he passed on Monday, and I my book launch was on Thursday. And there's a lot of great stories about my mom in there. And I'm like, you know, it's just It's so unbelievable. But I want to talk about, you know, women in their dads, or something really, you know, I'm not saying for everybody. But there is a interesting dynamic with dads and am I getting a little bit like, Oh, my God, it is. It's tough to talk about as well. But there is a it's really interesting. Did you have any of those times where you were trying so desperately hard to get the love of your dad.

Alisha Wielfaert:

I so my dad was such a lover. So he was so good to generous with hugs and affection. And it's only it's been in retrospect that I've started to understand that anytime before I left my house. When I was a kid, he'd say, Be a good girl. And, you know, I'm the oldest, I'm the oldest girl. I'm the oldest child in my family. And I'm a rule follower. I've been that way since I was a little kid. I think I always felt like I needed to, like, not be a burden to them. Like even family. I don't know why I got that idea. But not be a burden, not make waves like I would my mom would say she would leave me home with the kids with my brother and sister. And that she'd get nervous to do it because I would impose more rules on them than she would. But it was that like, desire to like, keep everyone safe and keep everything in line. And I do think that

Hilary DeCesare:

story, it's a story of Be a good girl be a good girl. He's been saying that since you were a little girl. And so you're running that you're running it in your subconscious Be a good girl.

Alisha Wielfaert:

And if they don't tell you what that means, you make it up in your head, you know? And if I'm making up rules that are so much harder for my brother and sister, of course, I'm making up life rules that are so much harder for me because that's of course what a girl Good Girl beans.

Hilary DeCesare:

See, I used to get a lot of that, you know, kids are supposed to be seen but not heard. And my dad was an orthopedic surgeon. He was, you know, going out in the nighttime and doing you know, these important surgeries and everything. And I, you know, didn't have that I wanted it so badly. I wanted the guy who's gonna hug me I wanted that, you know, that relationship of, you know, love and my dad was not that way. But what happened was he got very ill. And when he was taking some treatment, my stepmom had to go home her mom was dying in Denmark. So she kept you know, she had to keep leaving and I had to take care of my dad and I had my kids and I had my job and I had all these different things I was a single mom and we developed mid you know, like probably my my middle of like when I was little and right now we developed finally a relationship and it was at that point you know a little bit of a change because now he's more depend Then on me, but I, I still to the day he died, I still was looking for approval from him. I was still like I always even the two days before he ended up going into this heavy medication where he had to die. And he was going to be leaving us. I was like, Yeah, I had one more idea that I got, what do you think about this? This is the direction I'm taking, you know? And he was like, that's good. He's like, really, that's the direction you need to take. And I'm like, Oh, my God, I feel it too. And I'm like, did I just ask him about like, he's on his deathbed. And I'm like, you know, approval approval told me this is this is going to work. And by the way, when you're going to haven't helped me out on the other side. So you and I, first off, you know, you and I, there are no words to describe, but your situation was different in that. Suddenly, yeah, passed. And for me, it was more of a journey over a couple years. And it was flying back and forth, back and forth. When somebody like that, of significance passes, how did you deal with this? And how did you get through it? How did you relaunch yourself in this because it's such devastation?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, that was I've always shied away from calling a year, the worst year, because I learned so much in 2019. But it it did, you said in the beginning of the show, like the times that bring us to our knees, so I I was a mess, to be perfectly honest. And you know, after two weeks in Ohio, I drove back up here and then two weeks after that American Express sued me for default on the credit card. So like I knew for sure,

Hilary DeCesare:

I thought they weren't allowed to because you had filed.

Alisha Wielfaert:

No, I hadn't filed yet. I knew it was coming. Okay to stop paying. And then you and then you have then you file. So. So it was just one of those where I would work, work, work work. And that is not a way you know, it was just like, I might not have money, but I have time and I'm going to spend all of my time doing it to make up for it. Because that must be what a good girl does. You know like it's that running, still running, still running.

Hilary DeCesare:

She's got the bug everyone the underground surfacing those darn limiting beliefs that keep coming back to you blast.

Alisha Wielfaert:

You blast them. Yeah. But when I was served by American Express, I, it was one of those where I, I just kind of got down on my knees that night, I set my yoga mat out and I got down literally got literally on my knees and I just opened my arms and Child's Pose. And I just started I had a conversation with the universe. And I said, Listen, I surrender. And whatever I'm supposed to learn in this, I am open to learning it. I will keep taking steps forward. As long as you're telling me I'm supposed to keep moving forward. Please don't make this any hard.

Hilary DeCesare:

Like, please take mercy, just please, I need to be done with this. Can I please move forward. But you know, it's amazing how the universe kind of it's, you know, my grandmother used to say man plans, God decides that we want things to go through like faster, faster, faster. But you know, it's a it's a broken heart. Just like a broken bone. You can not rush it. And so just use surrendering, like, oh, I can I could feel your energy right now just like giving it up, like, all right, but I'm tapped. And I'm tapped out my power sources just helped

Alisha Wielfaert:

Hillary, but I made a conscious choice to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to take those lessons with me. And I had this very strong sense that everything that was happening was happening. To set me up for something else, and that I needed to use it so good.

Hilary DeCesare:

That's awesome. What a great I call it a relaunch flip. Yeah, take something that is, you know, kind of like really crappy, really, like not so great in your life. And you have to come up with like the law of polarity. The other side. Yeah. And it's like, hard. It is hard,

Alisha Wielfaert:

hard, hard, hard.

Hilary DeCesare:

But you was worried you were doing that? Yeah, that's so cool. Well, okay. We have to go on a break right now. But when we come back, we are going to talk about your book, the book you just launched the book you're writing. We're talking about little failures, and then little rituals and as you said it's that one step. We're gonna give everyone out there. We're going to hear from Alicia, what are the steps? Like, how do you do it, give me the steps. Let's go back to our you know, prefrontal cortex just, you know conscious thinking, give me the steps, we're going to come back and we're going to give you those steps. This episode is brought to you by my very own labor of love my most recent book relaunch. This book is a collection of my stories, other stories, and is a motivational guide to living a new three h q lifestyle, sparking your heart to ignite your life. It's available for purchase via Amazon, get ready to turn on the three HQ method that I've been using for years, throughout my entire life, reaching the next level in all areas, both professionally and personally. Get your copy today at www dot the relaunch book.com Hey, everyone, I am back with Alicia Wilford. And we were just talking on the break about the age of her dad, the age of my dad, and hers was 64, again, had you know, just all of a sudden just was gone. And mine was 87, about to turn 88 and a couple of weeks. And she made such a great comment. She said, You know what, doesn't really matter what age it is, it's hard, it is really difficult to lose your parents, it's difficult to lose anyone. But when you lose, start losing your parents, it again, kind of sets us up for this idea that, you know, we're all going to have this happen to us, right. And it's the mortality. And there's so many different cultures that highlights, like death is a real positive. And it's a journey. And it's like exciting. Where as in the US, we just don't talk about it. We don't talk about it, so we're not ready for it. So when it happens, it's kind of like, What now, and I just ran an obituary for my dad last weekend. And it was, you know, a three day and it was supposed to be two weeks ago, and then they forgot to run it. So here I'm like, you know, we're all looking for it. And it's not there. And then I'm sorry, a glitch in the system. I'm like, glitch in the system, this is the obit. But what I want to say is that you have great concepts and steps in your new book, tell us why you wrote this book. And let's start talking about what are the steps when you have failures when you have things that don't quite go right.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, Hillary, I think you just kind of set it up really well. This isn't exactly the reason why I wrote the book. But what's most pertinent to this conversation is that life is fragile. And when we don't go after our dreams, we might have to live with regret. And I don't know about you, but that is not something I want to live with. And so when I was sitting there miserable in my cubicle, the thing I kept coming back to is like, I might not know what's supposed to happen next. And the My worst fear was actually bankruptcy and it came true. And you know what, I'm still here, and I'm doing great now. And that's really

Hilary DeCesare:

interesting. Your worst fear before it happened. goes right back to what our thoughts create in our world. This isn't a great example of this

Alisha Wielfaert:

is our thoughts create our reality. And so what you focus on grows, so don't focus on what you don't want. But I know that I wouldn't be in this. I love my life. I love the work I do. I love the clients I get to work with. I wouldn't be there if I hadn't let go of perfectionism let go of needing to know what happens next and taking that leap. And I'm not saying that people should be reckless, I would not want anybody to do what to have to go through what I just went. So be smart, however. Take the leap, right. Perfectionism is really fear of failure at the core of things and you just So my tip for this is just my friend Bonnie, Christine. She's a surface pattern designer. She's amazing. She says you just have to have 10 seconds of courage. 10 seconds of courage. So muster up those 10 seconds of curl

Alisha Wielfaert:

that backup surface pattern, designer, okay.

Hilary DeCesare:

Okay, what is that? Oh, she's

Alisha Wielfaert:

amazing. Okay, so anything like, um, anything you look up look at right now. Uh, your rug, your curtains.

Hilary DeCesare:

I got it. I was like, I don't know what that is. But I'm sure people out there like we don't know what. Okay, but now wait, take the leap. That's the first part that is a step like you know, you got to take it You gotta go for it you live once. Remember that everyone,

Alisha Wielfaert:

that perfectionism, it keeps us out of action. And it can keep us from going after the things that are most important, big and small, right? And let's just say you take the leap, you have your 10 seconds of courage, and it does not go well. Let's say you hit that thing, you have that moment that I had, so I had a big failure. But let's just pretend it's a little failure. You know, it could be anything. Once that failure happens, there are so many things that you can do. But the most important thing is you have to accept what happened and you have to take ownership for it.

Hilary DeCesare:

Right, you're speaking my language. Step one of the belief blaster to get rid of the bugs is acceptance. You gotta Yes, you gotta like, you know,

Alisha Wielfaert:

it's there, embrace it,

Hilary DeCesare:

and learn from it. Yeah. And I would even say when you say perfectionism, you know, a lot of people procrastinate. And I really believe that procrastination is a form of perfectionism. Right? It is.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Yeah, it is. It's actually a symptom of it. There's, um, the chronic and pervasive fear of failure is there's a word for it. It's called a tiki phobia. And one of the top there's like four different sins. I talked about it in the book, and I haven't memorized all of them. But one of those symptoms is perfectionism, or like, fear of failure. Like, it's fear of failure, it's procrastinating. It is never thinking things are good enough. You know? Those

Hilary DeCesare:

abs absolutely new called it a tiki phobia.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Obeah. Like at why? Ai? Yeah.

Hilary DeCesare:

So that Okay, so now as we go through these, and there are steps, yep. Let's review for a second. Go through and just highlight step one and

Alisha Wielfaert:

two. Yeah. Okay. So step one, except step two, you have to grieve it. And that is not a once and done type of thing. But especially in the beginning, like you got to give yourself over to the feelings. If you bottle them up, they will come out and they will come out at the most inopportune times. So you've got to give yourself over to those feelings. Just feel it.

Hilary DeCesare:

Yeah. And also, if you don't, it ends up manifesting somewhere in your body. Yeah, I mean, how many times we talked about mind spirit body, and people are like, Oh, my mind, we get that. You get spirit. Okay, I'm gonna, you know, do my meditations. I'm going to you know, do my affirmations all these things, but the body? Like, where are you feeling thing? Where are you holding things? Where is that emotion? Kind of like I know, in me, it's my left neck shoulder area when me too. Isn't that funny? Mine's

Alisha Wielfaert:

to the right. But it's like, no,

Hilary DeCesare:

mine's the left. And so as soon as I feel that I'm like, up. Oh, what am I like, you know, repressing at this?

Alisha Wielfaert:

Yes. So yeah. So

Alisha Wielfaert:

you've got to feel it, you've got to grieve it. And then you really need to bring in a trusted community. So that's a really important piece of it. And not everybody belongs in that inner circle, but they're the people that are going to help you process it and make sense of what happened. And then I suggest you do a SWOT analysis like literally like a business SWOT analysis of this

Hilary DeCesare:

strangle baby old tickets. Like this takes me back to SPIN Selling when I was it, Xerox, you know, SWOT analysis, which, you know, strengths, your weaknesses,

Alisha Wielfaert:

opportunities, threats. So, I mean, yeah, apply it to life, you know, like, there's always something there that we can learn from. And then the most important thing is you have to take recovering actions. You got to get back on that horse. And you might not be doing the exact same thing you did before. If it didn't work you but look at your SWOT analysis, what did you just evaluate? What did you learn from it? How can you tweak it? What can you do different and then literally get back on that horse and do it again, or do something else that scares you? It doesn't have to be the exact same thing, but show yourself that you still have courage.

Hilary DeCesare:

So great. And so when you think about SWOT and you think about it for your business, you know, you have that you got you know, what are the strengths? What are the weaknesses, what are the opportunities, what opportunities do you have, because really, when you start to look at opportunities, opportunities equals gratitude. Yeah, I got opportunities. And as you always talk about little, little, little, those little opportunities, compound interest everyone, it turns into a bigger one, right? Small little stops, and then your threats are those things that you know, really get in the way really, you know, and a lot of times we Create some of those circumstantially we start to think, as you said, you know, the whole thoughts around it. And then it happens. So how can you do a relaunch flip at that point? Yeah. How can you really I think this is so great. So we've got except you got to grieve it, you got to have that trusted community. And then you got to have the recovery actions. Give us an example of a couple of recovery actions.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, in the book, my favorite story is there is a woman in Greensboro. She's amazing. And she is she opened a fitness studio like 40, over 40 years ago, but she also rides horses, she's been riding horses her entire life well, in I think it was 2017. She literally got thrown, it wasn't her first and only time being thrown from a horse broke her hip sent to the hospital, like they thought she was the hospital called the clergy. And because they didn't think she was going to make it punctured a lung alike. And within two weeks, she had literally gotten back on that horse, she still rides that horse today. And now they have a better relationship than she's had with any other horse. Because she was brave. You know, she looked at what had happened. And she was willing to try again.

Hilary DeCesare:

Incredible. And so she ended up getting back on it's such like a perfect, literally, she got back on the horse. I mean, it is so perfect. So we all have to be thinking, what horse what situation and we've been thrown to the ground.

Alisha Wielfaert:

Well, but this goes, let's go back to the little baby steps. So the way this gets me the most is exercise. Health is a core value, but it's a core value that I have to work on. And I'm a runner, but I'm not a runner that loves running. I just am a runner. And so if I'm determined to hit four run workouts a week, well, if I start that plan, and I miss one, or let's say you are trying to quit smoking or you are trying to add more water to your diet or whatever it is that you're trying to do. Just because you miss one, don't throw the whole thing out. Right. Okay.

Hilary DeCesare:

That that you know what we got to we got to stop on that note. That is so good. And Alicia, where can people find out what you're working on what you're doing and connect with you.

Alisha Wielfaert:

They can find me on my website, www dot yok y Okay, II and abundance.com or Instagram at Jochen abundance.

Hilary DeCesare:

So good. It was so great to have you. I know that you also have something for our audience that we're going to include in the speaker notes. Can you tell us what that is? Yes,

Alisha Wielfaert:

I have 30 days of meditation. So 30 days of mindfulness

Hilary DeCesare:

that gets you right into that higher self that best version of you. I love that. Well, Alicia, thank you so much for being here. And next week, everyone I've got Alison Scammell with me who is a master, intuitive coach, psychic, medium, and energy healer and ready for this, I actually have an appointment with her before this episode. So make sure you come back for that one because she helps leaders influencers and entrepreneurs get further along in their business, but by using intuition, and you know how much I love that, because that's what I love to do. So for those that have not signed up for my free workshop, head on over to the relaunch co.com. And we have a workshop coming up that you don't want to miss. It's all around this concept of leveling up your business, you're releasing to relaunch to bring in that incredible opportunity of revenue expansion, scaling your business, creating it, all that good stuff and making sure you're on the right path. We're gonna go into all of that in this free workshop. So make sure you sign up for that. And then also, I want you to really be thinking, you heard a lot of great things today. How are you going to be taking that little small step that Alicia just said, small steps towards your big goals. And again, when you add them all up, that's when the magic happens. So at this point, everyone live now. Love now, relaunch. Now. See you next week.

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