How to Have Sex and Love It, Too

Do you love having sex?

For women, the answer to this question can be complicated. That’s because we often let our circumstances determine the answer. If your sex life could use some help, the following may be to blame:

• Busy schedule
• Unhealthy relationship
• Health challenges
• Long-held misconceptions
• Unrealistic expectations

And these are just a few of the reasons you may be unhappy in the bedroom. When you don’t enjoy sex, your desire wanes. A lack of libido can impact your mood, your health, and your relationships.

That’s why it’s vital to know how to have sex, and learn how to love it, too.

Dr. Jordin Wiggins has helped thousands of women improve their sex lives through healthy changes. She has 4 tips to help you do the same:

1. Own your sexuality

For most of us, what we officially learn about sex is mechanical in nature. Labeled body parts and function teach us about reproduction, but little else. In addition, for years sex education was fear and shame-based – something married people did behind closed doors in order to have more children.

It’s time to throw our miseducation aside and know this: It’s acceptable to be sexual.

When you learn to own your sexuality, you know that sex isn’t just a means to reproduce. It’s a healthy act designed to bring us connection and pleasure. This knowledge alone can change the way you view sex – and make it much more fun.

2. Know how your body works

Did you know that penetration isn’t a reliable source of orgasm for 80% of women? Try telling that to Hollywood! When our culture regularly tells us the opposite, it’s no wonder women often feel broken when it comes to sex.

When you know how your body works, you’ll learn to enjoy sex.

The clitoris is the most reliable source for female orgasm. In fact, of the 20% of women who do achieve orgasm by penetration, the clitoris is either externally or internally stimulated as well. But take note: it has double the amount of nerve endings than the head of the penis, so it’s important to be gentle.

Take time with your partner to explore how your body works and you’ll both benefit from it.

3. Put your mind to it

Most of the time, we’re operating in a sympathetic nervous state, which means we’re focused on other things: our to-do list, work, the kids, you name it. That’s why adult vacation sex is usually so great! When you’re relaxed and rested, you move into a parasympathetic state of mind, which is where you want to be.

In order to have great sex, you need to put your mind to it.

This starts by making time for intimacy. It may sound counterintuitive to schedule sex, but it may be worth a try. That’s because when you know about it ahead of time, you can plan relaxing activities to set the mood.

Also, once you get started, take your time. Women take longer to orgasm than men. Instead of letting this add stress to the situation, slow down and let it happen as it should.

4. Talk about it

For too long, talking about sex has been a taboo subject. Maybe that’s why 60% of women have faked an orgasm at some point in their lives. How can we learn to enjoy sex if we don’t share what works for us?

Make a commitment to talk about sex with other women as well as your partner.

Talking with other women about sex can help you learn more about your own body as well as find support when you need it. This may be when you’ve hit a rough patch or it may be when things are going great.

Talking with your partner allows you to communicate your needs which will result in a more positive, relaxed, and enjoyable experience for you both.

Don’t let great sex elude you. Learn how to do it right and love it, too!